Well, I haven't paid much attention to this blog ~ my virtual journal ~ for such a long while. One never knows how grief will take them, even when it is somewhat expected.
Gran's death created such a vacuum in my life. And I was blessed in my gran's very existence and I was equally blessed in her passing. She left me some wonderful gifts. It was simply challenging at the time receive it all. Gran was a living reflection of unconditional love. What she taught me, I applied in my life. Where Gran left off, my children took over. So, I have been raised by some amazingly loving people!
I have been taking stock of my resources, my internal ones. And what I have discovered is that I have worked myself silly over the last weeks and months, long before Gran passed.
This has cut me off from my senses and the power of sensuality, from my creativity, from my joy and enthusiasm for life, from my naturally perky nature. Oh, it comes out to play from time to time...just nothing consistent. My guitar has collected dust (or would, except my daughter plays it), my pencils are still in their case, the paper unused. I currently lack my customary grace and tolerance in dealing with others. I work to muster up the energy for exercise and even to cook a decent meal.
I began to question when and how this shift took place...
I stayed in my present employment for far too long. This is observational.
I feel beyond tired.
I slept 11 hours Friday night and 10 on Saturday.
I am taking steps to remedy this. I am actually looking forward to what may come from these changes. It is time and more.
Sleep is my new religion. xD Self-care a daily requirement. And the cultivation of pleasure in life is a new pursuit!
Be well!
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