Prayer

Prayer by Belleruth Naparstek

Just give me this:
A rinsing out, a cleansing free
Of all my smaller strivings
So I can be the class act God intended,
True to my purpose,
All my energy aligned behind my deepest intention.

And just this:
A quieting down,
A clearing away of internal ruckus,
So I can hear the huge stillness in my heart,
And feel
How I pulse with all creation,
Part and parcel of Your great singing ocean.

And this too:
A willingness to notice and forgive
The myriad times I fall short,
Forgetting who I really am,
What I really belong to.

So I can start over,
Fresh and clean,
Like sweet sheets billowing in the summer sun,
My heart pierced with gratitude.

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Day 18

There is movement in my life once more! I have had 4 clients this week...and I am sort of feeling overwhelmed.

It feels great to have clients; I am feeling better and better about my decision to start my own website to offer my services to others! Yes, it pushes some buttons and I am willing to let go of my learned emotional responses and allow myself to just be with this direction my life is taking.

Work is interesting. I have made every effort not to gossip or encourage gossip at work. And now I am being asked not to allow my personal feelings to show about a particular situation. I am not sure that I like this, although I do understand the intention behind it. I wear my emotions on my face. I better not try and play poker. So how do I do what I am being asked to do? I am not entirely certain.

I am happy to report that I haven't done much emotional eating. As well, I haven't done any shopping to replenish my depleted wardrobe. I may end up needing to replace socks and things...and I would have done that eventually anyway. My intentions for any new purchases are that what I buy reflects who I really am. I am choosing to practice the fine Art of Adornment. Truly living is an art!

Be well!

Day 17--Emotional Shedding

OMG, this has been such a week! I had a dream about the yoga studio where I work. I was stuck behind the front desk, surrounded by towels and I couldn't move. Oy!

I have been letting go of:

the concept that I am not allowed to shine
the notion that I have to be perfect
the tendency to fill the empty spaces with stuff
the need to be someone other than me or to look like someone I'm not
the idea there isn't enough and that's why I need my "stuff"

I have been angry, grieving, anxious, my body hurts. I have wanted sugar to soothe the hurts--which I don't always eat. I am standing up for myself at work. I am meeting myself with love, even when I don't feel lovable. I am applying compassion, kindness and gentleness.

This is only temporary!

Day 14 or Bat-Shit CRAZY

OMG!!! This shedding thing is exhausting.

My weekend was spent pitching a major temper tantrum. Can we say twee years o-w-d?

My children are pretty used to me and my unusual fits and starts. And now? Just fucking bat-shit crazy!

This week we are getting into the emotional crap...

And my first impulse was to go into judgment! WTF! I am a healer and a shaman! A sensitive/intuitive...like I shouldn't be having this experience. Heh!

But this is just like making multiple sweeps to clear away a few more books, a few more clothes or a bit more clutter. It is just peeling away another layer of the onion to get to the core...just my core stuff is up closer and closer to the surface these days. I guess this is something for which I can be thankful.

I am that much clearer and that much lighter simply for taking this on!

I think that I am just gonna be bat-shit crazy for a few more weeks and emotionally exhausted. I can and I will be kind to myself. I am meeting myself with love because that is really all I have. :)

That, and I have my list of emotional crap begun...all the stuff I am planning to let go of in a lovely little burning ceremony and give away.

Peace In!

~m