Which Seeds Will I Plant?

Today was a beautiful, warm, sunny day!

I spent part of it outside--weeding the yard. It was interesting to me that sometimes, no matter how hard I tried, I could not save some of the cute little flowers from coming up with the weeds. Life is like that sometimes, I think. We make choices and do our best and still the consequences of our choices may still have a negative impact or two. Sometimes, it feels like I get to pick the lesser of two evils.

I really have been thinking a lot lately. Perhaps too much. Not to the point of "mentacide," though. (This would be thinking myself to death, by the way.) Being introspective has its place...and I am choosing now to move into a deeper space of being, then doing and having some new experiences in my life.

I read an article not too long ago about people who are sensitive to the energies and the emotions of others. Frequently, they end up alone because it is easier for them to cope with this sensitivity on their own. I do like my space and my down time...and at the same time, I would love to be with someone who actually gets me and allows me to do my thing. I would love to be loved! (Is that so hard to say? Sometimes, I think! Isn't that funny?)

I think about the dreams I had as a little girl, of what I wanted my life to be like. I am not living that life. I knew, at 5, that I was a healer. I knew before that, that I was different. But different was a badge that I wore that set me apart from others. Now, I don't want that. I don't want to be set apart from others...

Being me is a good thing. No two people are exactly alike and we weren't meant to be. We are each unique and special, with our own quirks, our own strengths and our own talents. It is a gift that we give to both ourselves and to others when we shine our light for all to see.

This is a new place for me. A place of acceptance and peace about who I am. This is a place of turning from past and looking to future. I think that maybe I have grown beyond the little girl dreams...maybe it is time for some new, grown-up dreams!

Spring has Sprung

Spring is officially here!

I have been pondering the nature of my life lately. And while I have no definitive answers about what my life means or what I would like my life to mean, exactly, I have had several interesting observations.

One observation that I did have was that I have held onto past references for what my future life should look like. I did this very unconsciously. Needless to say, a serious mental Spring Cleaning is in order! Holding on to those past reference points limits all my future possibilities. Which sort of defeats the purpose of consciously choosing to create my life.

I have spent some time contemplating my need for a buffer between myself and the outside world or myself and certain people in my life with whom I sometimes find it difficult to interact. In the past, I was most comfortable hiding my light, my talents and my abilities. Exposure seemed painful and confusing. Now, I find that many things are far easier for me, much more fun and there are experiences and people that I choose to embrace and bring into my life, rather than hide or run away.

I guess this is just another aspect of maturing. :)

I feel as though I am suddenly approaching my life and my creations with a clean slate. If I put down those old reference points, release the buffers, what do I desire to create now? It seems very timely, this question. And this seems like the perfect time to plant some new seeds!