Sep 18, 2010
Day 5
Today's assignment is to clean out the door of the fridge--or if the whole thing is a mess, clean it All! And to shop for food for the next week--buying nothing in a tin, a package, or a box. Check out these recipes! Inspiring and lovely! And only 5 ingredients. :) Start sorting thru books, which I had begun doing the beginning of the year and going for a walk and finding joy in anticipating what is coming into the space I am creating!
I've actually started cleaning up/out other things...my closet, my dresser, my bathroom cabinet, my computer and all the e-junk. I am evolving thru this whole experiment and am feeling particularly thankful for it.
Something I do know for sure is that anywhere and in anyway that I do not love myself I am creating a space for things that do not belong to me to come in...all the stuff that I have saved--particularly the e-junk--comes from not trusting in myself, in who I am and how I show up each day. When I am loving myself, I don't need the latest creams, lotions or potions, gadgets, fashion or the self-help 'how-to' stuff. While these things are not inherently bad, if it is blocking me from hearing myself or it is confusing my own wisdom or taking time and space from creating my life and my joy, then I most definitely do not need it. So I am choosing to be very selective right now. :)
As for adorning the body beautiful, well, if I don't like the energy of the clothes or jewelry or how I feel wearing them, then off they go to find a new home. And the new home can't be my 17 year old daughter. I am seeing that I want my things to go to a good home and then I want to pick the receiver. LOL Sort of defeating the purpose here because I don't want to turn anybody else into my personal dumping ground...kind of what happens in my family when it is time to get rid of stuff.
What I am presently getting out of this experience is that it is time to trust myself and to let go of all the things I have held onto because I have been afraid that I won't do a good job just being me!
Peace In!
I've actually started cleaning up/out other things...my closet, my dresser, my bathroom cabinet, my computer and all the e-junk. I am evolving thru this whole experiment and am feeling particularly thankful for it.
Something I do know for sure is that anywhere and in anyway that I do not love myself I am creating a space for things that do not belong to me to come in...all the stuff that I have saved--particularly the e-junk--comes from not trusting in myself, in who I am and how I show up each day. When I am loving myself, I don't need the latest creams, lotions or potions, gadgets, fashion or the self-help 'how-to' stuff. While these things are not inherently bad, if it is blocking me from hearing myself or it is confusing my own wisdom or taking time and space from creating my life and my joy, then I most definitely do not need it. So I am choosing to be very selective right now. :)
As for adorning the body beautiful, well, if I don't like the energy of the clothes or jewelry or how I feel wearing them, then off they go to find a new home. And the new home can't be my 17 year old daughter. I am seeing that I want my things to go to a good home and then I want to pick the receiver. LOL Sort of defeating the purpose here because I don't want to turn anybody else into my personal dumping ground...kind of what happens in my family when it is time to get rid of stuff.
What I am presently getting out of this experience is that it is time to trust myself and to let go of all the things I have held onto because I have been afraid that I won't do a good job just being me!
Peace In!
Sep 16, 2010
Day 3
Clutter is all about the energy of emotions. As I explore my emotions today, I sense loads of anger buried beneath the "stuff." I guess I must like hanging on to this anger, although I am not certain of the mistaken goal behind it.
I know that in the past anger has given me the strength to make changes and the courage to go into new and frequently uncharted territory. I am feeling like I no longer need the anger since I am free to make choices about myself and what I want to do with my life and my energy.
While feeling into my body and into the issue of how I block myself from receiving love is uncomfortable, I know this is allowing me to release things from my life in a big way. Change is coming; it is already begun. Movement has begun.
I do recognize that I have allowed the beliefs and the perceptions of others to take up residence in my space, my energy field and in my head. These maggoty, parasitic beliefs and perceptions are usually all about what others think of me and who they believe me to be. Quite mistakenly, I might add.
People have told me for YEARS that I look just like my mother. (This is NOT about my mother's physical beauty! This is about me being seen for Me.) I finally asked my dad what he thought...something I had never thought to do before! He doesn't think that I look like my mother. I don't think I look just like my mother. I no longer accept this perception from others. I am a good mix of both my parents. More than that--I LOOK LIKE ME!!! And what is wrong with that???
And for some strange reason, people bring up how I was as a child, as though that child is still who and how I am today. Wow! Stuck in the past much?? I am a new and better me with each inhale. Every moment is an opportunity to show up as my very best-est and most loving and compassionate self. I choose to take those moments; I choose to be my most real and my most authentic self. And my best-est self includes the messy and the vulnerable moments in my life--because that is when I am REAL!
Peace in!
I know that in the past anger has given me the strength to make changes and the courage to go into new and frequently uncharted territory. I am feeling like I no longer need the anger since I am free to make choices about myself and what I want to do with my life and my energy.
While feeling into my body and into the issue of how I block myself from receiving love is uncomfortable, I know this is allowing me to release things from my life in a big way. Change is coming; it is already begun. Movement has begun.
I do recognize that I have allowed the beliefs and the perceptions of others to take up residence in my space, my energy field and in my head. These maggoty, parasitic beliefs and perceptions are usually all about what others think of me and who they believe me to be. Quite mistakenly, I might add.
People have told me for YEARS that I look just like my mother. (This is NOT about my mother's physical beauty! This is about me being seen for Me.) I finally asked my dad what he thought...something I had never thought to do before! He doesn't think that I look like my mother. I don't think I look just like my mother. I no longer accept this perception from others. I am a good mix of both my parents. More than that--I LOOK LIKE ME!!! And what is wrong with that???
And for some strange reason, people bring up how I was as a child, as though that child is still who and how I am today. Wow! Stuck in the past much?? I am a new and better me with each inhale. Every moment is an opportunity to show up as my very best-est and most loving and compassionate self. I choose to take those moments; I choose to be my most real and my most authentic self. And my best-est self includes the messy and the vulnerable moments in my life--because that is when I am REAL!
Peace in!
Sep 15, 2010
Day 2 or It Is What It Is
Heh! What a day. =/
The pot has been stirred; I sort of welcome it. Sorta. It is that odd fascination that most of us mere humans feel towards our negative creations--until we wake up and release. It is an odd addiction, I suppose. Just like the crazy behaviors I use to step out of my life in an uncomfortable moment.
Right now, there is discomfort. And an emotional fatigue. I recognize that most of my extracurricular shedding activities are going to take place during my weekends. To that end, I have gotten a jump on laundry and am gazing at everything with measured looks.
To kick off my shed-venture, I have also made a commitment to the T-Tapp method of exercise--a 4 day mini-boot camp. Just to unkink my spine and open my joints and maybe just firm up the softer spots! My body is feeling it!
I am surrendering to this process and hope to eventually relax into it; to give myself up and over to the whole experience. The Universe came a-knockin' and I answered...I sure don't need a whambulence yet! LOL
This is Operation Un-conceal in a Big way!
Sep 14, 2010
Day 1
Wow! I woke up today with an amazing feeling of starting something new and wonderful. :) The feeling carried into most of my day at work...from 5:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. What a high.
I must confess, however, to a nagging feeling of fear and resistance. In fact, I felt this same fear and resistance when I signed up--the clue for me that I needed to take this on. Cuz that is just how I roll in my life. ;) The fear was all about unconcealing the real me...and what exactly would be left when I completed this awesome and inspiring project. What a group of marvelous and brave souls to take this on. Yay, Bindu!!
Anger has come up already--anger that I have allowed other people's perceptions of me to take up residence in my head and to become more important to me than how I think of or perceive myself. I am so kicking that to the curb!
And I want to make a tray of brownies from "Mayumi's Kitchen" to ease my feelings...but I haven't done that yet! It's either that or macrobiotic rice crispie treats--the healthy version. :)
Today's project: cleaning out my car's glovebox, center console and trunk and my purse! Before and after pics to will be going up soon...wish me luck.
I must confess, however, to a nagging feeling of fear and resistance. In fact, I felt this same fear and resistance when I signed up--the clue for me that I needed to take this on. Cuz that is just how I roll in my life. ;) The fear was all about unconcealing the real me...and what exactly would be left when I completed this awesome and inspiring project. What a group of marvelous and brave souls to take this on. Yay, Bindu!!
Anger has come up already--anger that I have allowed other people's perceptions of me to take up residence in my head and to become more important to me than how I think of or perceive myself. I am so kicking that to the curb!
And I want to make a tray of brownies from "Mayumi's Kitchen" to ease my feelings...but I haven't done that yet! It's either that or macrobiotic rice crispie treats--the healthy version. :)
Today's project: cleaning out my car's glovebox, center console and trunk and my purse! Before and after pics to will be going up soon...wish me luck.
Sep 13, 2010
A Shedventure!
What a space I have been in recently! A wonderful new space that brings with it new insights, new feelings, old issues and old learned responses.
With all that said, I just feel so tired of carrying so much stuff around! Stuff with which I have been completely unconscious. Stuff I have just absorbed by osmosis. Even more, it’s stuff I have been avoiding, resisting, or denying for a long time.
New perceptions are arising almost daily, in a rush of impressions and feelings. Sometimes the input is so startling and unexpected I don’t know what to do, to think, to feel, or even how to relate. Actually, I usually take up the role of the witness; what a blessing!
I have created my life thus far. I am a Creator. I am also an artist. An artist of my own life. And a writer. And a healer, a teacher and a shaman.
I have held out the intention to clean up my messes from past creations. I have held the space for this to come to pass. And it has. It is time to let go, to clear the air and to lighten my load. I can’t breathe in my own life right now. I can’t breathe and I can’t feel the flow of creation and I feel as though I can’t move. As much as I have hidden behind a wall or a mask of fear, it’s worse to feel squashed, trapped and stuck.
I wanted answers in terms of my next step or steps; I didn’t get direct answers. I got a shedventure instead…
What I do know instinctively, though, is that by giving myself sacred space in my life (because my life is sacred, every part), I will get my answers. I will find my way…and my bliss and my joy and my very own happiness.
With all that said, I just feel so tired of carrying so much stuff around! Stuff with which I have been completely unconscious. Stuff I have just absorbed by osmosis. Even more, it’s stuff I have been avoiding, resisting, or denying for a long time.
New perceptions are arising almost daily, in a rush of impressions and feelings. Sometimes the input is so startling and unexpected I don’t know what to do, to think, to feel, or even how to relate. Actually, I usually take up the role of the witness; what a blessing!
I have created my life thus far. I am a Creator. I am also an artist. An artist of my own life. And a writer. And a healer, a teacher and a shaman.
I have held out the intention to clean up my messes from past creations. I have held the space for this to come to pass. And it has. It is time to let go, to clear the air and to lighten my load. I can’t breathe in my own life right now. I can’t breathe and I can’t feel the flow of creation and I feel as though I can’t move. As much as I have hidden behind a wall or a mask of fear, it’s worse to feel squashed, trapped and stuck.
I wanted answers in terms of my next step or steps; I didn’t get direct answers. I got a shedventure instead…
What I do know instinctively, though, is that by giving myself sacred space in my life (because my life is sacred, every part), I will get my answers. I will find my way…and my bliss and my joy and my very own happiness.
Be Careful What You Wish For…
Oh yeah, I know…trite title, but true.
I have begun a new phase in my life, not entirely sure of my direction. My youngest child has graduated from high school a year early and I think the empty nest experience is coming. I have mixed feelings about this. I am working a part-time job that I enjoy, but one that ultimately doesn’t fulfill me. I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a limited social life. I would love to relocate and have no clue where this ultimately will be. Basically, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been somebody’s mom for 20+ years (3 somebodies, actually), I find that I am somewhat at a loss to know what to do with myself. And once my daughter turns 18 and goes on her way, I will be in the space to “grow up.”
I know that I am holding myself back. That is the way it is with most of us folks down here on the planet. It’s all self-imposed nonsense. I keep reminding myself that I am bigger than my fears. And that staying devoted to the giving of my gifts is what really matters. This crazy world is filled with illusion and most of us spend our time chasing things that have no real meaning. I believe that what’s gonna matter in the end is how well we have loved while we were here.
I have been doing psychic reads on line and recognize that isn’t the best fit for me. I have been a spiritual coach and energy therapist for over 12 years and I think that is my true love…
So, I asked for clarity. I asked for a man who meets and matches the deepest desires of my heart. I asked for direction. I got all those things! Now the question I am asking myself is, “Am I brave enough to take this on?”
I guess we’ll find out. :)
I have begun a new phase in my life, not entirely sure of my direction. My youngest child has graduated from high school a year early and I think the empty nest experience is coming. I have mixed feelings about this. I am working a part-time job that I enjoy, but one that ultimately doesn’t fulfill me. I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a limited social life. I would love to relocate and have no clue where this ultimately will be. Basically, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been somebody’s mom for 20+ years (3 somebodies, actually), I find that I am somewhat at a loss to know what to do with myself. And once my daughter turns 18 and goes on her way, I will be in the space to “grow up.”
I know that I am holding myself back. That is the way it is with most of us folks down here on the planet. It’s all self-imposed nonsense. I keep reminding myself that I am bigger than my fears. And that staying devoted to the giving of my gifts is what really matters. This crazy world is filled with illusion and most of us spend our time chasing things that have no real meaning. I believe that what’s gonna matter in the end is how well we have loved while we were here.
I have been doing psychic reads on line and recognize that isn’t the best fit for me. I have been a spiritual coach and energy therapist for over 12 years and I think that is my true love…
So, I asked for clarity. I asked for a man who meets and matches the deepest desires of my heart. I asked for direction. I got all those things! Now the question I am asking myself is, “Am I brave enough to take this on?”
I guess we’ll find out. :)
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