July Flew By...

and What a Month it was!

So much has shifted around for me. I have learned an awful lot about myself. And yes, I think some of it was kind of awful! (Really, it is all good and there were just some things I needed to learn!)

I still had some anger about childhood experiences. I had a sense of entitlement because of past hurt. I had a hard shell around me that made it hard to get too close. I didn't own my looks and that kept me from feeling whole within myself. I was still complaining from time to time. That is victim mentality. I was also experiencing doubt and resistance. Also the victim stuff. Oh, not in a huge obvious way and not in every area of my life--just enough for ME to know that things were not in alignment.

Fundamentally, I do understand that I am a black or white kind of person. This is not a bad thing. I have the ability to say that either something is working or it is not! I tend to be blunt with my words and yet my goal is to make things better! I am also fundamentally a kind person. I am willing to move into the space where I see that my nature is a good thing, a gift and a blessing. Right now, I am just resting with this new understanding about me.

When I start to feel small, tight, narrow and sort of OCD, I can remember that I am really as big as the Great, Wide Universe. There is no way small and tight and narrow can remain in the face of the Vastness of What Is.

Speaking kind words is important. Speaking positively and passionately about all that Life has given is important too.

I have been questioning abundance and prosperity and what they really mean to me. This is a big thing for me. I am finding that receiving is a bigger issue...taking in the good in Life is a practice. Absorbing it into my whole system is a new thing. I think it is going to be just a teeny bit at a time!

I do know that I don't have to "do" anything to receive. That is the world's way and not the way of Spirit. I have to stay in the place of Be-ing...and from that place action comes with the desired outcome. Be-ing Happy, be-ing devoted to the giving of my gifts, be-ing receptive in a gracious and joyous way is beautiful and brings me into the vibrations of abundance.

I am learning to trust that I am a good and responsible creator. I have to answer to no one. My life is my own and my definitions of Success and Happiness are all that matter to me. My only job in life is to Be Happy and to Love Myself No Matter What!

I opened my heart to someone, someone I met when I was minding my own business and NOT expecting anything and it turned me inside out and upside down. In a bunch of good ways. In many loving and healing ways. For this amazing and wonderful gift, he has a place in my heart!