You know, I was going along, minding my own business...and WHAM! I swear it felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. OY! It was kind of scary there for a moment, too.
I am still learning. I have learned that I have cleared some big issues from the past. I have truly re-prioritized the most important things in Life--my very own Happiness comes first. That means I am showing up as the true and authentic me. And I have no attachment to what other people think of my choices, especially since those choices are all about my Happiness. This is very new. This is important. I feel this new awareness down to my bones. And I like it. :)
I have also discovered that it is important to me to clear a big issue I have about my personal appearance. Don't ask! However, I have decided to engage in self-care with a new awareness of my face and my feelings.
It is okay not to have answers to the interesting and new things that Life hands us. I am truly okay with making up my own rules as I go along. I think that each choice, in each moment, adds to our happiness or takes away from it.
When I didn't put my Happiness first, I could never make up my mind. I couldn't understand how other people could make decisions without seeming to worry about missed opportunities-better things, things that I supposed would make me happy. (I used to think that happiness was based on all those externals and making decisions this way is bound to lead to confusion and ego-driven wanderings...and yes, I had 'em!) I truly envied others their ability to choose. The thing is, I had long ago made a fear-based choice that said I didn't deserve to be happy, nor could I have what I wanted. So no choice was going to work or be ideal and I just had to settle for less and make the best out of what was offered-or keep searching. Last year, I gave myself permission to be Happy. Last year, my father gave me permission to do whatever I needed to do to be Happy, too. Ever since then, I have been feeling happier and Happier. If you choose to be Happy first, all choices will ultimately take you there. Are there really missed opportunities? I think that the only missed opportunity that exists is when we don't take the chance to Love. :) (Maybe this is incorrect; I am willing to find out!)
So, I have some contemplations brewing. I need to find out if I can make room for Love in a new way. I also need to find out if I can put aside ego and fear and ask for what I both want and deserve in my life. It is a journey that I am willing to take, a new fork in the road, something not oft traveled.
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