A New Leaf

Lately, it has been so much easier just to be an observer. By observing, I can pay attention to how my body feels, what brings stress and what brings me happiness. Sometimes, I am very surprised to find that I have held onto a hurt or something very small and simple makes me smile.

For so long, I have been such an 'in my head' intellectual sort of person. Now, I am finding that exercise makes me incredibly happy. It is the opportunity to connect with my body without my ego-driven, monkey mind getting in the way. I have truly loved recognizing that my body is much stronger and more capable than I had previously believed. Now, I am convinced that I am just going to keep getting better the longer I am here. Being in my body is now a much happier thing for me.

I am also discovering that I have made up a lot of beliefs about myself, about my life and about what is possible based on things that happened in the past. Things that I didn't always understand and certainly didn't like. Things people told me when I was growing up and weird and strange conclusions I reached when I was quite young. I am releasing those beliefs.

So, if I release those old beliefs, what do I have? I have the sudden awareness that Everything is Possible and it only matters what I choose to believe. Even the things in which I believe is a choice. Oh, don't get me wrong...I have intellectually understood that what I think and what I speak and ultimately what I believe is what I create. Now, I am feeling it! I am feeling it down to my bones.

Lots of things have led me to this place. My practice to live surrendered open (and it is a practice), my gran's health, my personal relationship experiences, my experiences exposing my beliefs, my talents and my abilities to others...and having interactions with others that force me to confront my stuff. Sometimes this is a pleasant thing, one that is supportive and loving and gentle and other times, not so much.

I do know that being kind, compassionate, gentle and loving is best in dealing with myself. It makes choosing happiness an easier thing. I once believed that living a wonderful life meant that there would be no issues. What I understand now is that life is full of issues...and it is how I handle those issues that makes my life easier or more difficult. Life and its issues are not going to stop, not going to go away until I leave this plane of existence. It all comes back to choice. It is my beliefs and my choices that color my experience while I am here on this planet. No one can make me miserable unless I let them! I can ask for and believe in grace, ease, peace and simplicity. :)

I decided to have permanent lash enhancement done. It is a glamorous upgrade to my look...and it pushed a few buttons. As I stood in front of the mirror getting ready to go out, I contemplated how I was feeling. At first, I thought that I was feeling stuck. Then I realized that I am standing at the edge of something new, waiting for it to unfold and that I was actually feeling afraid. Afraid of the new, of the unknown and all of that uncharted territory. Once I understood that, I also understood something else. As I have developed my relationship with myself, the New seems less intimidating because I am trusting myself more and more. No matter what comes, I know that I am going to be okay.

I am already just fine. :)

Be well!