After a couple of very interesting weeks and a few a-ha's right in a row, I got this big thing!
When I am stuck, I am not loving myself enough to see beyond the stuck place or the shite or whatever you want to call it. I have to love myself so much (or enough) to dissolve the fear or the illusion or the faulty belief system or the whatever it is that is blocking my perspective of All Possibilities.
I can love myself into abundance, right relationship, right employment, more clients--whatever it is that I desire to create. It is an amazing feeling to envision my life the way I would like it to look and love myself while I see that thing take shape, or ask for money to flow into my life as I love myself and ask for this money with love as well.
Dec 15, 2010
Dec 5, 2010
Love Lifts Me
SHE RESPONDED
The birds' favorite songs
You do not hear,
For their most flamboyant music takes place
When their wings are stretched
Above the trees
And they are smoking the opium
Of pure freedom.
It is healthy for the prisoner
To have faith
That one day he will again move about
Wherever he wants,
Feel the wondrous grit of life -
Less structured,
Find all wounds, debts stamped canceled,
Paid.
I once asked a bird,
"How is it that you fly in this gravity
Of darkness?"
She responded,
"Love lifts
Me."
~ Hafiz ~
The birds' favorite songs
You do not hear,
For their most flamboyant music takes place
When their wings are stretched
Above the trees
And they are smoking the opium
Of pure freedom.
It is healthy for the prisoner
To have faith
That one day he will again move about
Wherever he wants,
Feel the wondrous grit of life -
Less structured,
Find all wounds, debts stamped canceled,
Paid.
I once asked a bird,
"How is it that you fly in this gravity
Of darkness?"
She responded,
"Love lifts
Me."
~ Hafiz ~
Nov 28, 2010
New Religion
For a while, I have been saying that my new religion was worshiping my sleep and getting enough rest.
I have to add to that. Something completely different.
It is vitally important to stay 100% loyal to the present moment and What Is.
It was dismaying to me to realize that most of us are not present. And the people in our lives are playing roles we have assigned to them. We are wearing masks and handing out masks to others.
I am choosing to be present and to really see those who are in my life. No masks. Embracing humanness and the beauty of all whose life touches mine.
Be Well!
I have to add to that. Something completely different.
It is vitally important to stay 100% loyal to the present moment and What Is.
It was dismaying to me to realize that most of us are not present. And the people in our lives are playing roles we have assigned to them. We are wearing masks and handing out masks to others.
I am choosing to be present and to really see those who are in my life. No masks. Embracing humanness and the beauty of all whose life touches mine.
Be Well!
Nov 16, 2010
Sacred Longing...
Longing is a deep and spiritual thing.
Longing is your heart and your soul speaking to you. (Or at least trying to speak.)
I believe that deep within each of us, there is a longing for connection. A longing for Home. A longing that honors the sacredness of each of us and the sacredness of the planet on which we live.
In the tradition that I follow, Original Sin is simply forgetting who We Are. It means forgetting where we came from...
In a way, the things that we sometimes do to ourselves, each other and our planet that are disrespectful, unkind or damaging are all aspects of forgetting.
Here's to living a life of Remembering through Sacred Longing.
Be well.
M
Longing is your heart and your soul speaking to you. (Or at least trying to speak.)
I believe that deep within each of us, there is a longing for connection. A longing for Home. A longing that honors the sacredness of each of us and the sacredness of the planet on which we live.
In the tradition that I follow, Original Sin is simply forgetting who We Are. It means forgetting where we came from...
In a way, the things that we sometimes do to ourselves, each other and our planet that are disrespectful, unkind or damaging are all aspects of forgetting.
Here's to living a life of Remembering through Sacred Longing.
Be well.
M
Nov 11, 2010
If Love Could Speak...What Would Love Say Right Now?
I am asking myself that question.
I am also asking myself what kind of environment do I need to create in order for me to thrive?
My feeling is that both of these questions are absolutely excellent. I am going to explore to find out...
On another note, I contacted a web designer to get some information.
I am visualizing my life with some new parameters.
Over this last weekend, I reconnected to 2 dear friends, both of whom had left the Mormon church. Such an unexpected thing from both of them. This was independent of the other woman. In fact, I am certain that neither of my friends have met. Yet. Anyway, quite interesting timing.
Although the Shed Project has drawn to a close, I feel as though shedding will now become a more regular part of my life. :)
I am also asking myself what kind of environment do I need to create in order for me to thrive?
My feeling is that both of these questions are absolutely excellent. I am going to explore to find out...
On another note, I contacted a web designer to get some information.
I am visualizing my life with some new parameters.
Over this last weekend, I reconnected to 2 dear friends, both of whom had left the Mormon church. Such an unexpected thing from both of them. This was independent of the other woman. In fact, I am certain that neither of my friends have met. Yet. Anyway, quite interesting timing.
Although the Shed Project has drawn to a close, I feel as though shedding will now become a more regular part of my life. :)
Nov 10, 2010
Nov 5, 2010
An New Year, An Old Project...And Me!
Lest I become peri-menopausal and thusly somewhat forgetful (heh!), I thought that I would start off some of my New Year's comments and musings with a recap of my Shedventure and some random tidbits of wisdom gleaned in the mess of clutter or the mass of clutter. Whatever. It's all in my head. ;)
So, first of all...I can say that I have declared my personal space as being sacred. It is my sanctuary and therefore, my rules go. If you don't play nice, you aren't invited.
Fundamentally, I am a wonderful person. There is nothing wrong with me; I am not broken. Please don't attempt to fix me with your unsolicited advice (this is not for you, dear reader! This is for those lacking in boundaries...) because I may feel inclined to say, "Shut the fuck up."
There is no better time to wear my favorite shirt or to get out the good dark chocolate or maybe even break out that lovely, smooth sake. (Yes, I wrote that! I am a recovering Mormon, if you didn't know.) Or maybe do all 3 and have a party for no reason.
For me, the only way to be happy is to be in my body. Period, end of discussion. Everything else stems from being present. This is actually the way that I connect to the world of Spirit. It is a wonderful way to live...and for me, that is really All that Is.
Since there is nothing wrong with me, I can focus on enhancing or up-leveling or optimizing things in my life. Of course, I am still sorting thru the things that I truly want to keep in my life...as things leave, I am gaining clarity.
There's this whole thing that being "spiritual" is being good, nice, kind and sometimes kinda serious. Forget that shite. Really. This life is pretty fucking funny. xD I mean, I do know when and how to be reverential. Respectful. Compassionate. Kind. Loving. And I can still have a good time.
Lots of contemplation has been taking place. So, this is stuff I heard from Rev. Michael Beckwith:
*Live with curiosity about what is Good in your life
*Bliss is the activation of our potential
*Insight is "caught" not taught
*Perception is our point of view or opinion
*Vision is beyond limited perception to see What Is
*Spiritual practice sustains vision and a-ha moments
*Enlightenment focuses on what is Real and Eternal--Love, Peace, Compassion, etc.
*We aren't creating our lives; rather we are creating our perceptions of our lives (So, this is the one that got me. If my perceptions of my life are limited and negative, my life becomes this. Life is shaped by me and Life shapes me. We are intertwined, Life and I. So...by expanding my perceptions into vision, my experiences of Life expand. And Life answers me...the Life I have is all that I have and yet, it is so much and so full of potential. It is only up to me to decide what my vision is!)
*Life is already created and Real
*When the conditions are right, our potential emerges. Create your own environment so that you/your potential thrives, blooms, flourishes
*When we feel spiritual 'highs' we are actually touching our own potential
*Laugh. A Lot.
*Laughter brings us to the wonder of What Is. It brings us more good. More Love. More Joy. It opens us to the wisdom of the Universe...
*Enlightened means giving thanks for what others take for granted
*True prayer is touching reality without trying to get anything from it
*Feel it. Embody it. It will show up. This is the Law!!!
*Both pain and insight prompt growth. Take your pick
*Pain pushes us until vision pulls us
*Who would we be without drama?? (Drama is made up stuff to distract us)
*Now that I am awake...now what? Now that I am rich...now what? Now that I am happy...now what? (These are excellent questions to ask that lead to...)
*Turn everything into an Act of Worship! The Fine Art of Living Love. Being a Radiant Embodiment or Emanation of the Creator...
Now that I have been here in front of Igor for a while, it is time to unwind for bed. I think I will buy that chocolate tomorrow...while wearing a favorite shirt that hasn't made the laundry basket yet! Yup, that is the thing about this shedventure thingy...fewer clothes means (that's right, you guessed it), more laundry!
So, first of all...I can say that I have declared my personal space as being sacred. It is my sanctuary and therefore, my rules go. If you don't play nice, you aren't invited.
Fundamentally, I am a wonderful person. There is nothing wrong with me; I am not broken. Please don't attempt to fix me with your unsolicited advice (this is not for you, dear reader! This is for those lacking in boundaries...) because I may feel inclined to say, "Shut the fuck up."
There is no better time to wear my favorite shirt or to get out the good dark chocolate or maybe even break out that lovely, smooth sake. (Yes, I wrote that! I am a recovering Mormon, if you didn't know.) Or maybe do all 3 and have a party for no reason.
For me, the only way to be happy is to be in my body. Period, end of discussion. Everything else stems from being present. This is actually the way that I connect to the world of Spirit. It is a wonderful way to live...and for me, that is really All that Is.
Since there is nothing wrong with me, I can focus on enhancing or up-leveling or optimizing things in my life. Of course, I am still sorting thru the things that I truly want to keep in my life...as things leave, I am gaining clarity.
There's this whole thing that being "spiritual" is being good, nice, kind and sometimes kinda serious. Forget that shite. Really. This life is pretty fucking funny. xD I mean, I do know when and how to be reverential. Respectful. Compassionate. Kind. Loving. And I can still have a good time.
Lots of contemplation has been taking place. So, this is stuff I heard from Rev. Michael Beckwith:
*Live with curiosity about what is Good in your life
*Bliss is the activation of our potential
*Insight is "caught" not taught
*Perception is our point of view or opinion
*Vision is beyond limited perception to see What Is
*Spiritual practice sustains vision and a-ha moments
*Enlightenment focuses on what is Real and Eternal--Love, Peace, Compassion, etc.
*We aren't creating our lives; rather we are creating our perceptions of our lives (So, this is the one that got me. If my perceptions of my life are limited and negative, my life becomes this. Life is shaped by me and Life shapes me. We are intertwined, Life and I. So...by expanding my perceptions into vision, my experiences of Life expand. And Life answers me...the Life I have is all that I have and yet, it is so much and so full of potential. It is only up to me to decide what my vision is!)
*Life is already created and Real
*When the conditions are right, our potential emerges. Create your own environment so that you/your potential thrives, blooms, flourishes
*When we feel spiritual 'highs' we are actually touching our own potential
*Laugh. A Lot.
*Laughter brings us to the wonder of What Is. It brings us more good. More Love. More Joy. It opens us to the wisdom of the Universe...
*Enlightened means giving thanks for what others take for granted
*True prayer is touching reality without trying to get anything from it
*Feel it. Embody it. It will show up. This is the Law!!!
*Both pain and insight prompt growth. Take your pick
*Pain pushes us until vision pulls us
*Who would we be without drama?? (Drama is made up stuff to distract us)
*Now that I am awake...now what? Now that I am rich...now what? Now that I am happy...now what? (These are excellent questions to ask that lead to...)
*Turn everything into an Act of Worship! The Fine Art of Living Love. Being a Radiant Embodiment or Emanation of the Creator...
Now that I have been here in front of Igor for a while, it is time to unwind for bed. I think I will buy that chocolate tomorrow...while wearing a favorite shirt that hasn't made the laundry basket yet! Yup, that is the thing about this shedventure thingy...fewer clothes means (that's right, you guessed it), more laundry!
Oct 31, 2010
To The Ancestors
This is my year to break free. To embrace my path. This is my year to master my emotions. This year, I show up as radiant Love and honor this body temple. This Divine Feminine body temple.
And to kick this thing off with a Bang!, I am cleaning. Cleaning with consciousness, and with purpose.
Happy New Year. May the energies of this New Year come in clean and fresh, carried on the Winds of Positive Change. May the energies of the Old Year be blessed for the experiences and gifts that were given.
Each Samhain, I light my candles and say a prayer of thanksgiving to those who walked before me. I also dedicate the coming year to some personal goal or goals.
Part of my prayer--I Am. Bring It Forth.
Many Blessings,
M
And to kick this thing off with a Bang!, I am cleaning. Cleaning with consciousness, and with purpose.
Happy New Year. May the energies of this New Year come in clean and fresh, carried on the Winds of Positive Change. May the energies of the Old Year be blessed for the experiences and gifts that were given.
Each Samhain, I light my candles and say a prayer of thanksgiving to those who walked before me. I also dedicate the coming year to some personal goal or goals.
Part of my prayer--I Am. Bring It Forth.
Many Blessings,
M
Oct 26, 2010
Just Sitting with Myself...
In the Taoist tradition:
Gentleness overcomes fear.
Kindness overcomes anger.
Compassion overcomes worry or anxiety.
Joy overcomes impatience.
Personal power overcomes pain.
I am realizing now that I haven't really done a good job allowing myself my feelings. It is something I still have to work at in the present. Even though people say to let go & I struggle to do this "letting go," everyone lets go in their own time and in their own way.
I am learning to allow myself all of my feelings and to stay present with those feelings particularly when I don't like them. (Which happens more frequently than I care to admit!)
Gentleness overcomes fear.
Kindness overcomes anger.
Compassion overcomes worry or anxiety.
Joy overcomes impatience.
Personal power overcomes pain.
I am realizing now that I haven't really done a good job allowing myself my feelings. It is something I still have to work at in the present. Even though people say to let go & I struggle to do this "letting go," everyone lets go in their own time and in their own way.
I am learning to allow myself all of my feelings and to stay present with those feelings particularly when I don't like them. (Which happens more frequently than I care to admit!)
Oct 24, 2010
Triggers...
So, I am not an obsessive freak all the time!
Nope, only when I get triggered by stress. By drama. By engaging in judgment.
I've been spending more time with my practice of presence. Being present with my body. Being in my body. And meeting myself with Love.
It's not always easy. It is most definitely always worth it.
Be well.
Nope, only when I get triggered by stress. By drama. By engaging in judgment.
I've been spending more time with my practice of presence. Being present with my body. Being in my body. And meeting myself with Love.
It's not always easy. It is most definitely always worth it.
Be well.
Oct 20, 2010
Face-Planting or Coming Clean
Ooohhh! Do I really want to do this? I don't know. I have some resistance. And I am gonna do this anyway. =/
This shed has led me to dumping so much mental and emotional crap. Crap that I didn't even realize that I hung onto...
The thing about it all is, I have had all the symptoms of holding onto to emotional/mental crap. Really, I have.
Obsessing.
I obsess as a way to avoid confronting the shite. Obsess and obsess and obsess. The big, huge, ginormous give away that there is stuff to look at. That I need to rest with myself and the pain or the fear or the whatever it is, until the obsessing stops.
It means stopping the obsess train in its tracks and getting the fuck off the damn train. No more games. No more beat myself up because I didn't follow some crazy-ass rule made up by my family of origin or ones that I decided to make up to deal with the insanity of growing up under The Big Top. Yes, as in The Circus.
It means finding some compassion. Kindness. Gentleness. Love for myself. And yes, indeedy, I DO love myself. I certainly love myself enough to get off that fucking train.
The rules of my childhood didn't save me from the pain of rejection. The banishment. Because I spoke The Secret. (Since those rules did NOT save me, why the fuck do I obsess over them? I am burning them up, babe, in the bonfire of the true light of my own soul. Bring it forth.)
Even more than that, The Circus is the Cosmic Joke of my life. Really. Was my mother the Bearded Lady, the Ring Master or the Lion Tamer? And my dad? That crazy monkey in the red vest and cap, chasing a banana with a pair of cymbals...and me? I was the Tightrope Walker. Uhuh.
This shed has led me to dumping so much mental and emotional crap. Crap that I didn't even realize that I hung onto...
The thing about it all is, I have had all the symptoms of holding onto to emotional/mental crap. Really, I have.
Obsessing.
I obsess as a way to avoid confronting the shite. Obsess and obsess and obsess. The big, huge, ginormous give away that there is stuff to look at. That I need to rest with myself and the pain or the fear or the whatever it is, until the obsessing stops.
It means stopping the obsess train in its tracks and getting the fuck off the damn train. No more games. No more beat myself up because I didn't follow some crazy-ass rule made up by my family of origin or ones that I decided to make up to deal with the insanity of growing up under The Big Top. Yes, as in The Circus.
It means finding some compassion. Kindness. Gentleness. Love for myself. And yes, indeedy, I DO love myself. I certainly love myself enough to get off that fucking train.
The rules of my childhood didn't save me from the pain of rejection. The banishment. Because I spoke The Secret. (Since those rules did NOT save me, why the fuck do I obsess over them? I am burning them up, babe, in the bonfire of the true light of my own soul. Bring it forth.)
Even more than that, The Circus is the Cosmic Joke of my life. Really. Was my mother the Bearded Lady, the Ring Master or the Lion Tamer? And my dad? That crazy monkey in the red vest and cap, chasing a banana with a pair of cymbals...and me? I was the Tightrope Walker. Uhuh.
Oct 17, 2010
Sunday...
*Sigh*
I really am thankful that I chose to engage in all this shedding. Really. I do feel pretty tired, mentally, though.
Today, I am reminded yet again that I tend to take myself too seriously. I tend to take life too seriously as well. And what for?? It is not something that I choose to do consciously...it just starts happening when I feel stressed (I think). And then, it just spirals outta control.
Life is not without its messes, minor disasters, pains, wipeouts, upsets and general chaos and insanity. The trick, I think, is to just roll with the punches and let it all be okay. Basically, I can't think of one single thing from the last couple of weeks that is permanent in my life. Everything changes, so why not sit back and enjoy the show?
It has been challenging for me to realize that I have to let go of some relationships. Just as much, the boundaries of my existing relationships may, in fact, need to change. This is where a lot of stuff comes up...then, there are my children. Gotta love 'em! Just don't love their messes. And this is leading me to draw new boundaries for mess makers. Heh. I don't know what all this is going to end up looking like (and the joy is that I don't have to know) and I am not in this to win a popularity contest!
I think that I am done with the judgment. Many of my family members have not been shy about their feelings about how I live my life. Um, did I ask for your opinion? Really? You don't have other things to worry about or to focus on? The way I choose to live my life is right for me. And it is my right to make my own choices and my own mistakes and my own messes. No one has to agree with me. No one has to do it my way. And ultimately, I know that I have done my best. My best has changed thru the years; that is how this thing called Life works. You make a mistake, you hopefully learn from the experience, you don't do the same thing again. Unless you are insane (doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results). I try to avoid the insanty.
I love my family. They still need to fuck off.
Just keep breathing; it's all good.
I really am thankful that I chose to engage in all this shedding. Really. I do feel pretty tired, mentally, though.
Today, I am reminded yet again that I tend to take myself too seriously. I tend to take life too seriously as well. And what for?? It is not something that I choose to do consciously...it just starts happening when I feel stressed (I think). And then, it just spirals outta control.
Life is not without its messes, minor disasters, pains, wipeouts, upsets and general chaos and insanity. The trick, I think, is to just roll with the punches and let it all be okay. Basically, I can't think of one single thing from the last couple of weeks that is permanent in my life. Everything changes, so why not sit back and enjoy the show?
It has been challenging for me to realize that I have to let go of some relationships. Just as much, the boundaries of my existing relationships may, in fact, need to change. This is where a lot of stuff comes up...then, there are my children. Gotta love 'em! Just don't love their messes. And this is leading me to draw new boundaries for mess makers. Heh. I don't know what all this is going to end up looking like (and the joy is that I don't have to know) and I am not in this to win a popularity contest!
I think that I am done with the judgment. Many of my family members have not been shy about their feelings about how I live my life. Um, did I ask for your opinion? Really? You don't have other things to worry about or to focus on? The way I choose to live my life is right for me. And it is my right to make my own choices and my own mistakes and my own messes. No one has to agree with me. No one has to do it my way. And ultimately, I know that I have done my best. My best has changed thru the years; that is how this thing called Life works. You make a mistake, you hopefully learn from the experience, you don't do the same thing again. Unless you are insane (doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results). I try to avoid the insanty.
I love my family. They still need to fuck off.
Just keep breathing; it's all good.
Oct 14, 2010
Fear of Flying; Willing to Let Go
Come to the edge
Life said.
They said:
We are afraid.
Come to the edge
Life said.
They came.
It pushed them...
And
they
Flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire
1870-1918
Day 30
Things are moving, even if it's presently slow going.
Today, I took more bags to Goodwill. They must love me. LOL Not much in the way of clothes--a little here, a little there. More books. More cds. More old board games.
I had an old bracelet repaired. I had a favorite shirt altered to fit me now. I made a list of things that still needed to go. I made a list of things I wanted to do.
I have things that need replacing; that will happen eventually. Right now, it is more about staying on top of laundry and the like. How many pairs of underwear does one need, really? I am not sure; I just know I need to do some laundry before I go commando!
My daughter has been shedding. She has been cleaning. She has been painting. This is really something. Painting the wall that she previously decorated with interesting pictures and colors artfully smeared on the wall, with fabric draping the sides like a fall of curtains.
My emotions have balanced out. Thank goodness. I am more and more myself. And happy, even if I am not quite clear about my direction. I do know that I am going to think about concepts for a website. I am going to carve out a new routine to honor myself and my body and my health. I am going to make my life more sacred.
I am going to shift my interactions with others...and if I in anyway feel bad about myself, the convo is over. And if all of their conversations with me are negative, then I just won't have them in my life. This is a new place. I feel so over the negativity. I am choosing to life my life a certain way...and it really is making me happy!
I really get the whole 'fuck off' thing. If someone really cares, why, Why, WHY would they tear you down??? All because they think you are doing a rotten job of living your life and you don't know what the fuck you are doing. (Or something like that. ) According to them. Uh, excuse me? Whose life is this anyway?
I am sitting back, laughing. Life is pretty funny, when all is said and done. I am pretty fucking funny, too. Checking how things are unfolding. Holding space for grace and ease. Shedding limitations.
Everything is possible.
Werd, y'all!
Today, I took more bags to Goodwill. They must love me. LOL Not much in the way of clothes--a little here, a little there. More books. More cds. More old board games.
I had an old bracelet repaired. I had a favorite shirt altered to fit me now. I made a list of things that still needed to go. I made a list of things I wanted to do.
I have things that need replacing; that will happen eventually. Right now, it is more about staying on top of laundry and the like. How many pairs of underwear does one need, really? I am not sure; I just know I need to do some laundry before I go commando!
My daughter has been shedding. She has been cleaning. She has been painting. This is really something. Painting the wall that she previously decorated with interesting pictures and colors artfully smeared on the wall, with fabric draping the sides like a fall of curtains.
My emotions have balanced out. Thank goodness. I am more and more myself. And happy, even if I am not quite clear about my direction. I do know that I am going to think about concepts for a website. I am going to carve out a new routine to honor myself and my body and my health. I am going to make my life more sacred.
I am going to shift my interactions with others...and if I in anyway feel bad about myself, the convo is over. And if all of their conversations with me are negative, then I just won't have them in my life. This is a new place. I feel so over the negativity. I am choosing to life my life a certain way...and it really is making me happy!
I really get the whole 'fuck off' thing. If someone really cares, why, Why, WHY would they tear you down??? All because they think you are doing a rotten job of living your life and you don't know what the fuck you are doing. (Or something like that. ) According to them. Uh, excuse me? Whose life is this anyway?
I am sitting back, laughing. Life is pretty funny, when all is said and done. I am pretty fucking funny, too. Checking how things are unfolding. Holding space for grace and ease. Shedding limitations.
Everything is possible.
Werd, y'all!
Oct 13, 2010
What Day Is It Anyway?
Oh my Goddess!
So, everything has been stirred up! Everything.
Am I happy in my job? Not exactly...do I want to stay? NO. Too fucking much drama. What's next? Don't know yet. Yet being the operative word.
Am I happy in my life right now? Yes and no. Last week seemed to be the 'Beat Marnie Up Week.' I realized several things:
I allow people to give me unsolicited advice. What happened to simply sharing and then being asked if I want feedback?
I allow the unsolicited advice and then I feel bad about myself. What the fuck for??
I have been very happy (in some ways) being single; I have truly enjoyed developing my relationship with myself. That has rocked my world in numerous, delightful ways.
I believe that creating my life can be really easy. I get to put down the struggle.
I want to "fix" things. There is NOTHING to fix. It's all good. :)
Sometimes, moms don't always see their creations as beautiful...I am choosing to see beauty in my life. It is my creation, after all. :)
I am free!
Good things come when the space is open. Including my creativity!!
I went to a women's playshop on Saturday. My monthly tantra gig! I set my intention to shed anything that was hanging me up. What came up during an opening meditation was personal freedom. After 2 rounds of breath work, I truly set myself free (with help and support). I saw the oldest, stuckest energies move! I was supported by 4 very powerful women to do this. I felt a huge connection with them. Giving myself permission gave them permission as well. The release was sweet and healing laughter followed.
Today, I still feel that open and empty space inside. I completely grasp the concept now that I hold that space open or I fill it with too many thoughts--mental 'stuff.' Being conscious with my thoughts and the prompts that my body gives me is how I choose to roll from now on!
I am planning to start my own website. I know it is time to take my work out in a bigger way. My wisdom is enough. My talents and abilities are enough. I am enough...and more than enough. It really is okay not to know everything. That doesn't lessen the value of what I do have to offer to others. It has taken me a while to come to this. I am going to trust myself and listen to the call.
Bliss In!
Marnie
So, everything has been stirred up! Everything.
Am I happy in my job? Not exactly...do I want to stay? NO. Too fucking much drama. What's next? Don't know yet. Yet being the operative word.
Am I happy in my life right now? Yes and no. Last week seemed to be the 'Beat Marnie Up Week.' I realized several things:
I allow people to give me unsolicited advice. What happened to simply sharing and then being asked if I want feedback?
I allow the unsolicited advice and then I feel bad about myself. What the fuck for??
I have been very happy (in some ways) being single; I have truly enjoyed developing my relationship with myself. That has rocked my world in numerous, delightful ways.
I believe that creating my life can be really easy. I get to put down the struggle.
I want to "fix" things. There is NOTHING to fix. It's all good. :)
Sometimes, moms don't always see their creations as beautiful...I am choosing to see beauty in my life. It is my creation, after all. :)
I am free!
Good things come when the space is open. Including my creativity!!
I went to a women's playshop on Saturday. My monthly tantra gig! I set my intention to shed anything that was hanging me up. What came up during an opening meditation was personal freedom. After 2 rounds of breath work, I truly set myself free (with help and support). I saw the oldest, stuckest energies move! I was supported by 4 very powerful women to do this. I felt a huge connection with them. Giving myself permission gave them permission as well. The release was sweet and healing laughter followed.
Today, I still feel that open and empty space inside. I completely grasp the concept now that I hold that space open or I fill it with too many thoughts--mental 'stuff.' Being conscious with my thoughts and the prompts that my body gives me is how I choose to roll from now on!
I am planning to start my own website. I know it is time to take my work out in a bigger way. My wisdom is enough. My talents and abilities are enough. I am enough...and more than enough. It really is okay not to know everything. That doesn't lessen the value of what I do have to offer to others. It has taken me a while to come to this. I am going to trust myself and listen to the call.
Bliss In!
Marnie
Oct 7, 2010
Day 23
Although the assignments have been to:
clean the pantry & kitchen counters
imagine where it is that I would like to travel
I have actually been stuck on the emotional things I would like to shed. The negative things to which I hold an attachment.
Self-sabotage. No one in my life to love me and be there just for me (a relationship-type thing), caring more for what others think of me, caring too much. Not trusting myself enough.
All released...
On another note, a stylist at work dressed me. New things are coming in now; I am making room so that I can express a more authentic version of myself. :)
clean the pantry & kitchen counters
imagine where it is that I would like to travel
I have actually been stuck on the emotional things I would like to shed. The negative things to which I hold an attachment.
Self-sabotage. No one in my life to love me and be there just for me (a relationship-type thing), caring more for what others think of me, caring too much. Not trusting myself enough.
All released...
On another note, a stylist at work dressed me. New things are coming in now; I am making room so that I can express a more authentic version of myself. :)
Oct 2, 2010
Prayer
Prayer by Belleruth Naparstek
Just give me this:
A rinsing out, a cleansing free
Of all my smaller strivings
So I can be the class act God intended,
True to my purpose,
All my energy aligned behind my deepest intention.
And just this:
A quieting down,
A clearing away of internal ruckus,
So I can hear the huge stillness in my heart,
And feel
How I pulse with all creation,
Part and parcel of Your great singing ocean.
And this too:
A willingness to notice and forgive
The myriad times I fall short,
Forgetting who I really am,
What I really belong to.
So I can start over,
Fresh and clean,
Like sweet sheets billowing in the summer sun,
My heart pierced with gratitude.
Oct 1, 2010
Day 18
There is movement in my life once more! I have had 4 clients this week...and I am sort of feeling overwhelmed.
It feels great to have clients; I am feeling better and better about my decision to start my own website to offer my services to others! Yes, it pushes some buttons and I am willing to let go of my learned emotional responses and allow myself to just be with this direction my life is taking.
Work is interesting. I have made every effort not to gossip or encourage gossip at work. And now I am being asked not to allow my personal feelings to show about a particular situation. I am not sure that I like this, although I do understand the intention behind it. I wear my emotions on my face. I better not try and play poker. So how do I do what I am being asked to do? I am not entirely certain.
I am happy to report that I haven't done much emotional eating. As well, I haven't done any shopping to replenish my depleted wardrobe. I may end up needing to replace socks and things...and I would have done that eventually anyway. My intentions for any new purchases are that what I buy reflects who I really am. I am choosing to practice the fine Art of Adornment. Truly living is an art!
Be well!
It feels great to have clients; I am feeling better and better about my decision to start my own website to offer my services to others! Yes, it pushes some buttons and I am willing to let go of my learned emotional responses and allow myself to just be with this direction my life is taking.
Work is interesting. I have made every effort not to gossip or encourage gossip at work. And now I am being asked not to allow my personal feelings to show about a particular situation. I am not sure that I like this, although I do understand the intention behind it. I wear my emotions on my face. I better not try and play poker. So how do I do what I am being asked to do? I am not entirely certain.
I am happy to report that I haven't done much emotional eating. As well, I haven't done any shopping to replenish my depleted wardrobe. I may end up needing to replace socks and things...and I would have done that eventually anyway. My intentions for any new purchases are that what I buy reflects who I really am. I am choosing to practice the fine Art of Adornment. Truly living is an art!
Be well!
Sep 30, 2010
Day 17--Emotional Shedding
OMG, this has been such a week! I had a dream about the yoga studio where I work. I was stuck behind the front desk, surrounded by towels and I couldn't move. Oy!
I have been letting go of:
the concept that I am not allowed to shine
the notion that I have to be perfect
the tendency to fill the empty spaces with stuff
the need to be someone other than me or to look like someone I'm not
the idea there isn't enough and that's why I need my "stuff"
I have been angry, grieving, anxious, my body hurts. I have wanted sugar to soothe the hurts--which I don't always eat. I am standing up for myself at work. I am meeting myself with love, even when I don't feel lovable. I am applying compassion, kindness and gentleness.
This is only temporary!
I have been letting go of:
the concept that I am not allowed to shine
the notion that I have to be perfect
the tendency to fill the empty spaces with stuff
the need to be someone other than me or to look like someone I'm not
the idea there isn't enough and that's why I need my "stuff"
I have been angry, grieving, anxious, my body hurts. I have wanted sugar to soothe the hurts--which I don't always eat. I am standing up for myself at work. I am meeting myself with love, even when I don't feel lovable. I am applying compassion, kindness and gentleness.
This is only temporary!
Sep 27, 2010
Day 14 or Bat-Shit CRAZY
OMG!!! This shedding thing is exhausting.
My weekend was spent pitching a major temper tantrum. Can we say twee years o-w-d?
My children are pretty used to me and my unusual fits and starts. And now? Just fucking bat-shit crazy!
This week we are getting into the emotional crap...
And my first impulse was to go into judgment! WTF! I am a healer and a shaman! A sensitive/intuitive...like I shouldn't be having this experience. Heh!
But this is just like making multiple sweeps to clear away a few more books, a few more clothes or a bit more clutter. It is just peeling away another layer of the onion to get to the core...just my core stuff is up closer and closer to the surface these days. I guess this is something for which I can be thankful.
I am that much clearer and that much lighter simply for taking this on!
I think that I am just gonna be bat-shit crazy for a few more weeks and emotionally exhausted. I can and I will be kind to myself. I am meeting myself with love because that is really all I have. :)
That, and I have my list of emotional crap begun...all the stuff I am planning to let go of in a lovely little burning ceremony and give away.
Peace In!
~m
My weekend was spent pitching a major temper tantrum. Can we say twee years o-w-d?
My children are pretty used to me and my unusual fits and starts. And now? Just fucking bat-shit crazy!
This week we are getting into the emotional crap...
And my first impulse was to go into judgment! WTF! I am a healer and a shaman! A sensitive/intuitive...like I shouldn't be having this experience. Heh!
But this is just like making multiple sweeps to clear away a few more books, a few more clothes or a bit more clutter. It is just peeling away another layer of the onion to get to the core...just my core stuff is up closer and closer to the surface these days. I guess this is something for which I can be thankful.
I am that much clearer and that much lighter simply for taking this on!
I think that I am just gonna be bat-shit crazy for a few more weeks and emotionally exhausted. I can and I will be kind to myself. I am meeting myself with love because that is really all I have. :)
That, and I have my list of emotional crap begun...all the stuff I am planning to let go of in a lovely little burning ceremony and give away.
Peace In!
~m
Sep 23, 2010
So Far...
I have shed:
rocks
books
clothes
books
videos/dvds
cookbooks
papers
(add old boardgames to this list! they are leaving!!!)
This is wonderful in its own way. I appreciate the space that is opening up.
It's very interesting...the new things that have already started coming in to my life and this new space. I am not sure how it's all gonna unfold and truth to tell, I actually feel pretty excited. Partially because I know that I am creating my life and I get to watch the seeds I planted in the last couple of years come to fruition and also because I don't know what the final picture is really going to look like. I have been letting go of non-physical things on this shed and that is actually starting to show in my internal landscape too. (Uh, do I think I have a book problem?? Quite likely. (= ] )
I know that I have carried a lot of perceptions from the past and loads of learned emotional responses to external situations. The funny thing is I have never really thought about what that did to me and my own growth and personal development. Doh! Yeah, light bulb! No wonder I am in this interesting (and not bad) place of figuring out who I Am and what I want. I never really had the opportunity to create a relationship with myself during my childhood years. I didn't develop a lot of self-knowledge or self-awareness and so I have spent the last few years doing this intensely. And really, feeling horribly, bitchily selfish for taking the time I needed to figure this shit out!
Since I have been developing this relationship with myself, I can let it be okay to want what I want and to let those true, pure desires shape my life and my external self-expression. I get it now, the desire to change my external appearance as I have been evolving. And the emerging me really doesn't give a fuck what other people think.
And it is amazing to me to see how my consciousness is connecting to the things I buy, to the things that I eat, to the clothes that I wear, the habits that I keep. It is all energy and it is all connected. And the excesses! And the waste! Oh my! This is good stuff...keep it coming!
I mean, life is not all neat and tidy. It is gritty and messy. There are tears. The are moments of pain. And all of it is part of life. It is totally up to me to decide to prolong my painful moments or to just let go!
I choose simple. :)
This weekend the assignment is clothes/shoes. I am going to try on everything I own and anything that does not reflect the true me (whether it is not comfortable, or the color is wrong, or it doesn't fit...) is leaving! And I am going to cart off loads of things to the local library for donation and/or Goodwill.
Yay, me!
rocks
books
clothes
books
videos/dvds
cookbooks
papers
(add old boardgames to this list! they are leaving!!!)
This is wonderful in its own way. I appreciate the space that is opening up.
It's very interesting...the new things that have already started coming in to my life and this new space. I am not sure how it's all gonna unfold and truth to tell, I actually feel pretty excited. Partially because I know that I am creating my life and I get to watch the seeds I planted in the last couple of years come to fruition and also because I don't know what the final picture is really going to look like. I have been letting go of non-physical things on this shed and that is actually starting to show in my internal landscape too. (Uh, do I think I have a book problem?? Quite likely. (= ] )
I know that I have carried a lot of perceptions from the past and loads of learned emotional responses to external situations. The funny thing is I have never really thought about what that did to me and my own growth and personal development. Doh! Yeah, light bulb! No wonder I am in this interesting (and not bad) place of figuring out who I Am and what I want. I never really had the opportunity to create a relationship with myself during my childhood years. I didn't develop a lot of self-knowledge or self-awareness and so I have spent the last few years doing this intensely. And really, feeling horribly, bitchily selfish for taking the time I needed to figure this shit out!
Since I have been developing this relationship with myself, I can let it be okay to want what I want and to let those true, pure desires shape my life and my external self-expression. I get it now, the desire to change my external appearance as I have been evolving. And the emerging me really doesn't give a fuck what other people think.
And it is amazing to me to see how my consciousness is connecting to the things I buy, to the things that I eat, to the clothes that I wear, the habits that I keep. It is all energy and it is all connected. And the excesses! And the waste! Oh my! This is good stuff...keep it coming!
I mean, life is not all neat and tidy. It is gritty and messy. There are tears. The are moments of pain. And all of it is part of life. It is totally up to me to decide to prolong my painful moments or to just let go!
I choose simple. :)
This weekend the assignment is clothes/shoes. I am going to try on everything I own and anything that does not reflect the true me (whether it is not comfortable, or the color is wrong, or it doesn't fit...) is leaving! And I am going to cart off loads of things to the local library for donation and/or Goodwill.
Yay, me!
Sep 22, 2010
Sep 21, 2010
Day 8
William Morris once said, "have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."
Sep 20, 2010
Day 7
Wow! What a weekend...resistance over cleaning out the fridge. (Why?) Although it is done now.
I let go of a stack of books...some old, Old, OLD videos...cleared out a lot of paper trash. (The odds and ends of paperwork that I have saved!)
Let go of mineral makeup eyeshadows and blush. All virtually brand new. My daughter wanted them, so power to her. I, on the other hand, am low maintenance.
I let go of a shopping bag full of clothes. And rather than get rid of a necklace that I liked but just wasn't quite right, I gave it a makeover and love it!
Oh, and bunches of rocks! Mostly the tumbled variety. The larger, raw rocks are going to go back outside. :)
On the emotional front, it was the 15th anniversary of leaving an abusive relationship. I was still feeling somewhat angry and resentful--if he hadn't behaved like an ass, then I wouldn't have had to leave.
And then I wouldn't be the me I am today. Hhmmm.
I have been holding tight to things that I really want. I have been holding tight to things that I don't really want...but didn't recognize it at first. I am peeling my fingers back, loosening my grip and easing myself into letting go.
I can tell, this is going to be some kinda Shed. *Sigh*
I let go of a stack of books...some old, Old, OLD videos...cleared out a lot of paper trash. (The odds and ends of paperwork that I have saved!)
Let go of mineral makeup eyeshadows and blush. All virtually brand new. My daughter wanted them, so power to her. I, on the other hand, am low maintenance.
I let go of a shopping bag full of clothes. And rather than get rid of a necklace that I liked but just wasn't quite right, I gave it a makeover and love it!
Oh, and bunches of rocks! Mostly the tumbled variety. The larger, raw rocks are going to go back outside. :)
On the emotional front, it was the 15th anniversary of leaving an abusive relationship. I was still feeling somewhat angry and resentful--if he hadn't behaved like an ass, then I wouldn't have had to leave.
And then I wouldn't be the me I am today. Hhmmm.
I have been holding tight to things that I really want. I have been holding tight to things that I don't really want...but didn't recognize it at first. I am peeling my fingers back, loosening my grip and easing myself into letting go.
I can tell, this is going to be some kinda Shed. *Sigh*
Sep 18, 2010
Day 5
Today's assignment is to clean out the door of the fridge--or if the whole thing is a mess, clean it All! And to shop for food for the next week--buying nothing in a tin, a package, or a box. Check out these recipes! Inspiring and lovely! And only 5 ingredients. :) Start sorting thru books, which I had begun doing the beginning of the year and going for a walk and finding joy in anticipating what is coming into the space I am creating!
I've actually started cleaning up/out other things...my closet, my dresser, my bathroom cabinet, my computer and all the e-junk. I am evolving thru this whole experiment and am feeling particularly thankful for it.
Something I do know for sure is that anywhere and in anyway that I do not love myself I am creating a space for things that do not belong to me to come in...all the stuff that I have saved--particularly the e-junk--comes from not trusting in myself, in who I am and how I show up each day. When I am loving myself, I don't need the latest creams, lotions or potions, gadgets, fashion or the self-help 'how-to' stuff. While these things are not inherently bad, if it is blocking me from hearing myself or it is confusing my own wisdom or taking time and space from creating my life and my joy, then I most definitely do not need it. So I am choosing to be very selective right now. :)
As for adorning the body beautiful, well, if I don't like the energy of the clothes or jewelry or how I feel wearing them, then off they go to find a new home. And the new home can't be my 17 year old daughter. I am seeing that I want my things to go to a good home and then I want to pick the receiver. LOL Sort of defeating the purpose here because I don't want to turn anybody else into my personal dumping ground...kind of what happens in my family when it is time to get rid of stuff.
What I am presently getting out of this experience is that it is time to trust myself and to let go of all the things I have held onto because I have been afraid that I won't do a good job just being me!
Peace In!
I've actually started cleaning up/out other things...my closet, my dresser, my bathroom cabinet, my computer and all the e-junk. I am evolving thru this whole experiment and am feeling particularly thankful for it.
Something I do know for sure is that anywhere and in anyway that I do not love myself I am creating a space for things that do not belong to me to come in...all the stuff that I have saved--particularly the e-junk--comes from not trusting in myself, in who I am and how I show up each day. When I am loving myself, I don't need the latest creams, lotions or potions, gadgets, fashion or the self-help 'how-to' stuff. While these things are not inherently bad, if it is blocking me from hearing myself or it is confusing my own wisdom or taking time and space from creating my life and my joy, then I most definitely do not need it. So I am choosing to be very selective right now. :)
As for adorning the body beautiful, well, if I don't like the energy of the clothes or jewelry or how I feel wearing them, then off they go to find a new home. And the new home can't be my 17 year old daughter. I am seeing that I want my things to go to a good home and then I want to pick the receiver. LOL Sort of defeating the purpose here because I don't want to turn anybody else into my personal dumping ground...kind of what happens in my family when it is time to get rid of stuff.
What I am presently getting out of this experience is that it is time to trust myself and to let go of all the things I have held onto because I have been afraid that I won't do a good job just being me!
Peace In!
Sep 16, 2010
Day 3
Clutter is all about the energy of emotions. As I explore my emotions today, I sense loads of anger buried beneath the "stuff." I guess I must like hanging on to this anger, although I am not certain of the mistaken goal behind it.
I know that in the past anger has given me the strength to make changes and the courage to go into new and frequently uncharted territory. I am feeling like I no longer need the anger since I am free to make choices about myself and what I want to do with my life and my energy.
While feeling into my body and into the issue of how I block myself from receiving love is uncomfortable, I know this is allowing me to release things from my life in a big way. Change is coming; it is already begun. Movement has begun.
I do recognize that I have allowed the beliefs and the perceptions of others to take up residence in my space, my energy field and in my head. These maggoty, parasitic beliefs and perceptions are usually all about what others think of me and who they believe me to be. Quite mistakenly, I might add.
People have told me for YEARS that I look just like my mother. (This is NOT about my mother's physical beauty! This is about me being seen for Me.) I finally asked my dad what he thought...something I had never thought to do before! He doesn't think that I look like my mother. I don't think I look just like my mother. I no longer accept this perception from others. I am a good mix of both my parents. More than that--I LOOK LIKE ME!!! And what is wrong with that???
And for some strange reason, people bring up how I was as a child, as though that child is still who and how I am today. Wow! Stuck in the past much?? I am a new and better me with each inhale. Every moment is an opportunity to show up as my very best-est and most loving and compassionate self. I choose to take those moments; I choose to be my most real and my most authentic self. And my best-est self includes the messy and the vulnerable moments in my life--because that is when I am REAL!
Peace in!
I know that in the past anger has given me the strength to make changes and the courage to go into new and frequently uncharted territory. I am feeling like I no longer need the anger since I am free to make choices about myself and what I want to do with my life and my energy.
While feeling into my body and into the issue of how I block myself from receiving love is uncomfortable, I know this is allowing me to release things from my life in a big way. Change is coming; it is already begun. Movement has begun.
I do recognize that I have allowed the beliefs and the perceptions of others to take up residence in my space, my energy field and in my head. These maggoty, parasitic beliefs and perceptions are usually all about what others think of me and who they believe me to be. Quite mistakenly, I might add.
People have told me for YEARS that I look just like my mother. (This is NOT about my mother's physical beauty! This is about me being seen for Me.) I finally asked my dad what he thought...something I had never thought to do before! He doesn't think that I look like my mother. I don't think I look just like my mother. I no longer accept this perception from others. I am a good mix of both my parents. More than that--I LOOK LIKE ME!!! And what is wrong with that???
And for some strange reason, people bring up how I was as a child, as though that child is still who and how I am today. Wow! Stuck in the past much?? I am a new and better me with each inhale. Every moment is an opportunity to show up as my very best-est and most loving and compassionate self. I choose to take those moments; I choose to be my most real and my most authentic self. And my best-est self includes the messy and the vulnerable moments in my life--because that is when I am REAL!
Peace in!
Sep 15, 2010
Day 2 or It Is What It Is
Heh! What a day. =/
The pot has been stirred; I sort of welcome it. Sorta. It is that odd fascination that most of us mere humans feel towards our negative creations--until we wake up and release. It is an odd addiction, I suppose. Just like the crazy behaviors I use to step out of my life in an uncomfortable moment.
Right now, there is discomfort. And an emotional fatigue. I recognize that most of my extracurricular shedding activities are going to take place during my weekends. To that end, I have gotten a jump on laundry and am gazing at everything with measured looks.
To kick off my shed-venture, I have also made a commitment to the T-Tapp method of exercise--a 4 day mini-boot camp. Just to unkink my spine and open my joints and maybe just firm up the softer spots! My body is feeling it!
I am surrendering to this process and hope to eventually relax into it; to give myself up and over to the whole experience. The Universe came a-knockin' and I answered...I sure don't need a whambulence yet! LOL
This is Operation Un-conceal in a Big way!
Sep 14, 2010
Day 1
Wow! I woke up today with an amazing feeling of starting something new and wonderful. :) The feeling carried into most of my day at work...from 5:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. What a high.
I must confess, however, to a nagging feeling of fear and resistance. In fact, I felt this same fear and resistance when I signed up--the clue for me that I needed to take this on. Cuz that is just how I roll in my life. ;) The fear was all about unconcealing the real me...and what exactly would be left when I completed this awesome and inspiring project. What a group of marvelous and brave souls to take this on. Yay, Bindu!!
Anger has come up already--anger that I have allowed other people's perceptions of me to take up residence in my head and to become more important to me than how I think of or perceive myself. I am so kicking that to the curb!
And I want to make a tray of brownies from "Mayumi's Kitchen" to ease my feelings...but I haven't done that yet! It's either that or macrobiotic rice crispie treats--the healthy version. :)
Today's project: cleaning out my car's glovebox, center console and trunk and my purse! Before and after pics to will be going up soon...wish me luck.
I must confess, however, to a nagging feeling of fear and resistance. In fact, I felt this same fear and resistance when I signed up--the clue for me that I needed to take this on. Cuz that is just how I roll in my life. ;) The fear was all about unconcealing the real me...and what exactly would be left when I completed this awesome and inspiring project. What a group of marvelous and brave souls to take this on. Yay, Bindu!!
Anger has come up already--anger that I have allowed other people's perceptions of me to take up residence in my head and to become more important to me than how I think of or perceive myself. I am so kicking that to the curb!
And I want to make a tray of brownies from "Mayumi's Kitchen" to ease my feelings...but I haven't done that yet! It's either that or macrobiotic rice crispie treats--the healthy version. :)
Today's project: cleaning out my car's glovebox, center console and trunk and my purse! Before and after pics to will be going up soon...wish me luck.
Sep 13, 2010
A Shedventure!
What a space I have been in recently! A wonderful new space that brings with it new insights, new feelings, old issues and old learned responses.
With all that said, I just feel so tired of carrying so much stuff around! Stuff with which I have been completely unconscious. Stuff I have just absorbed by osmosis. Even more, it’s stuff I have been avoiding, resisting, or denying for a long time.
New perceptions are arising almost daily, in a rush of impressions and feelings. Sometimes the input is so startling and unexpected I don’t know what to do, to think, to feel, or even how to relate. Actually, I usually take up the role of the witness; what a blessing!
I have created my life thus far. I am a Creator. I am also an artist. An artist of my own life. And a writer. And a healer, a teacher and a shaman.
I have held out the intention to clean up my messes from past creations. I have held the space for this to come to pass. And it has. It is time to let go, to clear the air and to lighten my load. I can’t breathe in my own life right now. I can’t breathe and I can’t feel the flow of creation and I feel as though I can’t move. As much as I have hidden behind a wall or a mask of fear, it’s worse to feel squashed, trapped and stuck.
I wanted answers in terms of my next step or steps; I didn’t get direct answers. I got a shedventure instead…
What I do know instinctively, though, is that by giving myself sacred space in my life (because my life is sacred, every part), I will get my answers. I will find my way…and my bliss and my joy and my very own happiness.
With all that said, I just feel so tired of carrying so much stuff around! Stuff with which I have been completely unconscious. Stuff I have just absorbed by osmosis. Even more, it’s stuff I have been avoiding, resisting, or denying for a long time.
New perceptions are arising almost daily, in a rush of impressions and feelings. Sometimes the input is so startling and unexpected I don’t know what to do, to think, to feel, or even how to relate. Actually, I usually take up the role of the witness; what a blessing!
I have created my life thus far. I am a Creator. I am also an artist. An artist of my own life. And a writer. And a healer, a teacher and a shaman.
I have held out the intention to clean up my messes from past creations. I have held the space for this to come to pass. And it has. It is time to let go, to clear the air and to lighten my load. I can’t breathe in my own life right now. I can’t breathe and I can’t feel the flow of creation and I feel as though I can’t move. As much as I have hidden behind a wall or a mask of fear, it’s worse to feel squashed, trapped and stuck.
I wanted answers in terms of my next step or steps; I didn’t get direct answers. I got a shedventure instead…
What I do know instinctively, though, is that by giving myself sacred space in my life (because my life is sacred, every part), I will get my answers. I will find my way…and my bliss and my joy and my very own happiness.
Be Careful What You Wish For…
Oh yeah, I know…trite title, but true.
I have begun a new phase in my life, not entirely sure of my direction. My youngest child has graduated from high school a year early and I think the empty nest experience is coming. I have mixed feelings about this. I am working a part-time job that I enjoy, but one that ultimately doesn’t fulfill me. I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a limited social life. I would love to relocate and have no clue where this ultimately will be. Basically, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been somebody’s mom for 20+ years (3 somebodies, actually), I find that I am somewhat at a loss to know what to do with myself. And once my daughter turns 18 and goes on her way, I will be in the space to “grow up.”
I know that I am holding myself back. That is the way it is with most of us folks down here on the planet. It’s all self-imposed nonsense. I keep reminding myself that I am bigger than my fears. And that staying devoted to the giving of my gifts is what really matters. This crazy world is filled with illusion and most of us spend our time chasing things that have no real meaning. I believe that what’s gonna matter in the end is how well we have loved while we were here.
I have been doing psychic reads on line and recognize that isn’t the best fit for me. I have been a spiritual coach and energy therapist for over 12 years and I think that is my true love…
So, I asked for clarity. I asked for a man who meets and matches the deepest desires of my heart. I asked for direction. I got all those things! Now the question I am asking myself is, “Am I brave enough to take this on?”
I guess we’ll find out. :)
I have begun a new phase in my life, not entirely sure of my direction. My youngest child has graduated from high school a year early and I think the empty nest experience is coming. I have mixed feelings about this. I am working a part-time job that I enjoy, but one that ultimately doesn’t fulfill me. I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a limited social life. I would love to relocate and have no clue where this ultimately will be. Basically, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been somebody’s mom for 20+ years (3 somebodies, actually), I find that I am somewhat at a loss to know what to do with myself. And once my daughter turns 18 and goes on her way, I will be in the space to “grow up.”
I know that I am holding myself back. That is the way it is with most of us folks down here on the planet. It’s all self-imposed nonsense. I keep reminding myself that I am bigger than my fears. And that staying devoted to the giving of my gifts is what really matters. This crazy world is filled with illusion and most of us spend our time chasing things that have no real meaning. I believe that what’s gonna matter in the end is how well we have loved while we were here.
I have been doing psychic reads on line and recognize that isn’t the best fit for me. I have been a spiritual coach and energy therapist for over 12 years and I think that is my true love…
So, I asked for clarity. I asked for a man who meets and matches the deepest desires of my heart. I asked for direction. I got all those things! Now the question I am asking myself is, “Am I brave enough to take this on?”
I guess we’ll find out. :)
Mar 13, 2010
Oh, Things They Are A-Changing!
Ah...the energies are moving and shifting. And life is changing. Even before I started to type.
A new job! Well, in addition to the YogaWorks job. New doors opening. New possibilities.
Perhaps I am even getting a little braver in telling fear to fuck off...
...and certainly, I have a new view of how I want to feel in relationship with myself. And that is really something! I wanna rock this new feeling and see what I can create. :)
I am cracking open the door to the New and the Unknown. I am saying YES to me. I am cracking open my heart and allowing myself to receive.
Blissings and Blessings!
Om Shanti
A new job! Well, in addition to the YogaWorks job. New doors opening. New possibilities.
Perhaps I am even getting a little braver in telling fear to fuck off...
...and certainly, I have a new view of how I want to feel in relationship with myself. And that is really something! I wanna rock this new feeling and see what I can create. :)
I am cracking open the door to the New and the Unknown. I am saying YES to me. I am cracking open my heart and allowing myself to receive.
Blissings and Blessings!
Om Shanti
Jan 28, 2010
I Love Me
http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/about/index.htm
I love Me day is 13 February 2010!
Share the Love. :) <3
Jan 27, 2010
There is no Enlightenment
There is only awakening to the vastness of your own being. The vastness of existence. The Beauty of What Is.
Jan 15, 2010
Jan 12, 2010
On Being a Butterfly
"'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked pensively. 'You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.'" ~ Trina Paulus
This year, I think that I have decided to become a "butterfly."
Jan 11, 2010
Jan 10, 2010
"I Am The Master of My Life" by Maureen Moss
As I have spent some time contemplating my intentions for the New Year, this landed in my inbox. Some wonderful stuff here to incorporate into my musings for the next year or so! Enjoy. :)
"Dearest Hearts,
As always, I pray you are well. Happy New Year, New Cycle, New Activations, New Life!
Have you landed (for a few minutes,) from the Cosmic stimulation, the whirlwind of gates, doorways, portals, spirals, moons (blue, silver and white,) and eclipses that have swept over us like Cosmic Tsunamis since the 11-11, 2009?
We did not just end a year; we stepped into another massive activation vortex on the 31st of December and for many, noticeably into a new dimension, that will forever change the history and experience of humankind through a reintroduction of the basic laws of alignment, attraction, multi-dimensional communication, intention and allowance.
Some shared with me that they felt as though they were lifted out of a tight box, feeling the expansion of the playing field along with their energy field.
Some are saying they are "happy for no reason." Another shared that it felt like "a fog of death has passed by us, scooping up those who were ready to go and giving wake up calls to those who aren't." All accounts are accurate.
So, take a short breather, because what's coming this month is going to continue to upend what we call the 'rational mind," stoke the fires of further change and amplify whatever state you are in, be it love or fear. Note: Choose your state of mind very carefully this month, it will have long reaching effects for you this year.
We have another New Moon - Solar Eclipse ahead mid-month, and then Mars in opposition to the Earth on the 29th. Mars in opposition to the Earth is going to create what some may feel as passion while others feel it as aggression. Consciously choose passion.
How we experience the opposition will be directly related to how we are learning to master the ways to work with the energies at hand, and whether we let unreliable belief systems interpret our reactions to the energies, or our higher vibratory perceptions, respond to them. At months end a Full Moon carries the energy of the Red Ray, which is all about change, power and connection to all Life.
During this action-orientated month, plug into what pleases you, and unplug from what does not. This strongly includes relationships. Honor yourself at every turn. Humankind has rarely honored themselves, via their heart channel, though often sacrificed themselves, believing that was a requirement to service. No further sacrifice required. Be of good service in a joyful way. The other is serving no one.
Use the days and the energies within them to actively chart your course, choice-by-choice, and relationship-by-relationship. This year you have every opportunity to consciously Master Your Life. The Universe is on your side as is the current cycle of energy. This is the time, the year and the month where the energy prepares and supports you to shift from what appeared to be your fate, into your destiny.
This is the year that many lies that have been passed down for millennia, that have kept you small will be exposed, by your own experiences, your dreams, and the appearances that many will call paranormal. You waited and waded through many lifetimes to come to this potential. Grab it with your full heart, and bring your life to LIFE. Open your eyes and your minds.
This month, implement something that you are passionate about. It will be supported. Commit to what you formerly believed was not possible, though you have long desired it. Go for it. Everything is possible now. Don't let your 'rational mind' (the one I call irrational,) have you believing otherwise.
Get clear about who you are, and what your relationship is to God and the Angels, to each other and yourself. Get into alignment and in love with each. LOVE is your Master Key. This is crucial to the unfolding of the rest of your year.
Also, get into rapport with your Higher Mind, your heart and your Soul. Listen to their messages and be creative on their behalf. They are your guiding Lights, assisting you greatly in Mastering Your Life. Learn to listen and take notes. Know you cannot fail, as long as you are in alignment with each.
Note: Once you are in rapport with your Higher Mind, heart and soul you may find yourself going in a direction that makes no 'sense' to you. Go for it! Consult with no one outside of yourself. You may well find your true peace while in the midst of the greatest adventure of your life! Those you need to assist you will show up to help, so don't strain your rational mind with "how am I going to do this?" Just move, (and use the 7 activations given at the end of this article,) while the energy is right there with you and supporting you.
Up until this point there has been much of what humans would like to call failure. It's not that there has been failure; there has been a lack of love behind endeavors. Many creations were born of the 'rational mind,' and human nature rather than the heart, soul, Higher Mind and Divine Nature, causing roadblocks and dead ends. That's what the rational mind deemed failure. Ignore it.
The heart would tell you that you just went down a passionless road that you weren't in love with in the first place. Exactly! No shame, no blame. So be it.
All that has gone on around us and in us since the 11:11 were impulses and energies to take us into to our hearts, prompt the opening of the Higher Mind, and unlock codes within our bodies to help us reach higher states of receptivity, creativity, unified and loving relationships and Higher consciousness.
No longer are we simply a grand experiment for God to experience more of Herself in while we are locked in our human nature. God desires the experience of our Divine Natures with all of its clarity, joy, passion, love and creativity. No longer are we mere beings in a body as a mandate to complete karma. Much of it, for many has been excused and transmuted by the Lords of Karma. Lets not create anymore. No longer are we "an instrument, a tiny pencil in the hands of the Lord with which He writes what He likes," (Mother Theresa).
We are the assembly of the Great Ones, The Emissaries, put on this Earth to create an order outside of time. We are Grand Creations who are being given every miracle to make the seemingly impossible possible, and to let us know FOR SURE, that we are capable of becoming Masters of our Life, not the hostages of our circumstances.
There is, however, one caveat and seven guided actions and activations. Click here to find out what that is and to receive the guidance, support and activations to quicken your ascension and prepare yourself for "Mastering Your Life" along with ways to engage with the energy impulses of the first month of this New Year.
Sending Love,
Maureen"
(You can see the rest at World Puja Network!)
"Dearest Hearts,
As always, I pray you are well. Happy New Year, New Cycle, New Activations, New Life!
Have you landed (for a few minutes,) from the Cosmic stimulation, the whirlwind of gates, doorways, portals, spirals, moons (blue, silver and white,) and eclipses that have swept over us like Cosmic Tsunamis since the 11-11, 2009?
We did not just end a year; we stepped into another massive activation vortex on the 31st of December and for many, noticeably into a new dimension, that will forever change the history and experience of humankind through a reintroduction of the basic laws of alignment, attraction, multi-dimensional communication, intention and allowance.
Some shared with me that they felt as though they were lifted out of a tight box, feeling the expansion of the playing field along with their energy field.
Some are saying they are "happy for no reason." Another shared that it felt like "a fog of death has passed by us, scooping up those who were ready to go and giving wake up calls to those who aren't." All accounts are accurate.
So, take a short breather, because what's coming this month is going to continue to upend what we call the 'rational mind," stoke the fires of further change and amplify whatever state you are in, be it love or fear. Note: Choose your state of mind very carefully this month, it will have long reaching effects for you this year.
We have another New Moon - Solar Eclipse ahead mid-month, and then Mars in opposition to the Earth on the 29th. Mars in opposition to the Earth is going to create what some may feel as passion while others feel it as aggression. Consciously choose passion.
How we experience the opposition will be directly related to how we are learning to master the ways to work with the energies at hand, and whether we let unreliable belief systems interpret our reactions to the energies, or our higher vibratory perceptions, respond to them. At months end a Full Moon carries the energy of the Red Ray, which is all about change, power and connection to all Life.
During this action-orientated month, plug into what pleases you, and unplug from what does not. This strongly includes relationships. Honor yourself at every turn. Humankind has rarely honored themselves, via their heart channel, though often sacrificed themselves, believing that was a requirement to service. No further sacrifice required. Be of good service in a joyful way. The other is serving no one.
Use the days and the energies within them to actively chart your course, choice-by-choice, and relationship-by-relationship. This year you have every opportunity to consciously Master Your Life. The Universe is on your side as is the current cycle of energy. This is the time, the year and the month where the energy prepares and supports you to shift from what appeared to be your fate, into your destiny.
This is the year that many lies that have been passed down for millennia, that have kept you small will be exposed, by your own experiences, your dreams, and the appearances that many will call paranormal. You waited and waded through many lifetimes to come to this potential. Grab it with your full heart, and bring your life to LIFE. Open your eyes and your minds.
This month, implement something that you are passionate about. It will be supported. Commit to what you formerly believed was not possible, though you have long desired it. Go for it. Everything is possible now. Don't let your 'rational mind' (the one I call irrational,) have you believing otherwise.
Get clear about who you are, and what your relationship is to God and the Angels, to each other and yourself. Get into alignment and in love with each. LOVE is your Master Key. This is crucial to the unfolding of the rest of your year.
Also, get into rapport with your Higher Mind, your heart and your Soul. Listen to their messages and be creative on their behalf. They are your guiding Lights, assisting you greatly in Mastering Your Life. Learn to listen and take notes. Know you cannot fail, as long as you are in alignment with each.
Note: Once you are in rapport with your Higher Mind, heart and soul you may find yourself going in a direction that makes no 'sense' to you. Go for it! Consult with no one outside of yourself. You may well find your true peace while in the midst of the greatest adventure of your life! Those you need to assist you will show up to help, so don't strain your rational mind with "how am I going to do this?" Just move, (and use the 7 activations given at the end of this article,) while the energy is right there with you and supporting you.
Up until this point there has been much of what humans would like to call failure. It's not that there has been failure; there has been a lack of love behind endeavors. Many creations were born of the 'rational mind,' and human nature rather than the heart, soul, Higher Mind and Divine Nature, causing roadblocks and dead ends. That's what the rational mind deemed failure. Ignore it.
The heart would tell you that you just went down a passionless road that you weren't in love with in the first place. Exactly! No shame, no blame. So be it.
All that has gone on around us and in us since the 11:11 were impulses and energies to take us into to our hearts, prompt the opening of the Higher Mind, and unlock codes within our bodies to help us reach higher states of receptivity, creativity, unified and loving relationships and Higher consciousness.
No longer are we simply a grand experiment for God to experience more of Herself in while we are locked in our human nature. God desires the experience of our Divine Natures with all of its clarity, joy, passion, love and creativity. No longer are we mere beings in a body as a mandate to complete karma. Much of it, for many has been excused and transmuted by the Lords of Karma. Lets not create anymore. No longer are we "an instrument, a tiny pencil in the hands of the Lord with which He writes what He likes," (Mother Theresa).
We are the assembly of the Great Ones, The Emissaries, put on this Earth to create an order outside of time. We are Grand Creations who are being given every miracle to make the seemingly impossible possible, and to let us know FOR SURE, that we are capable of becoming Masters of our Life, not the hostages of our circumstances.
There is, however, one caveat and seven guided actions and activations. Click here to find out what that is and to receive the guidance, support and activations to quicken your ascension and prepare yourself for "Mastering Your Life" along with ways to engage with the energy impulses of the first month of this New Year.
Sending Love,
Maureen"
(You can see the rest at World Puja Network!)
Jan 1, 2010
Here's to a Fabulous 2010!
May we each be blessed with health, wealth, love, harmony, happiness, peace, joy, abundance and prosperity! May we be blessed to follow our bliss!
Things just keep getting better and better!
Many thanks go out the all those who showed up and helped to make 2009 a beautiful year!
The following is from 'The Crystal Matrix' News Letter by Patricia "Asheme`". Enjoy it.
"Greetings!
As 2009 leaves us with a Blue Moon and both a Mars and a Mercury Retrograde your life may feel as if it's slowly moving forward. It is. As this new year slowly moves forward consider what wasn't finished, or what may have been postponed. 2009 was a year of hectic, sometime frantic, needs to try keeping up. May this new year slow you down. May it remind you of the things that are truly important to your life. That special project is waiting for you this year. The class or workshop that will raise you to the next level of consciousness is now available.
This year is one to consider community rather than individual progress. A year of family ties being readjusted and healed rather than trying to remember who's right. A year of loving your friends as you love yourself.
Kindness is the key word this year. 2009 asked us to remember how important community is, 2010 asks us to involve ourselves in this community...locally and globally. Watch what comes to you this year, it will remind you of what can be shared. Whatever you plan to learn or expand upon in 2010 will have community at its heart.
We are finally living in the Fourth Dimension and while the computer age allows us to go anywhere in the world...we must take this 4-D expansion outside onto our streets and into our cities...we are all needed right now.
Spirit and Consciousness will guide each of us this year. Welcome to the New Age...it is finally here."