Glad to Be Learning...

Of course, there are those really weird moments and I get to wonder what the heck is going on! Yes, the latest lesson sort of started out that way. I walked away scratching my head mentally, attempting to sort the whole thing out.

At least now I got the lesson!

I learned that sometimes people don't gel with each other. I can't do anything to change that and in fact, attempting to make changes may make a mess. (Apparently, I am good at making messes! :) ) It was actually quite bizarre to realize that we were both speaking English but apparently not really understanding each other. It was as if we were each speaking a foreign language! Perception is a huge thing--it makes our reality because that is what we believe and yet it may not be real!

I learned it is okay to say "no" to someone--to say "no" to an experience with them. It may be better that I do so. Sooner rather than later. Sometimes, I still feel the need to be heard and the need to be right...and that is messy. :) Someone else's perceptions of me can be rather startling and so far from who I am that I really just need to walk away with my hands up! (And make sure that I put my ego down first.)

I did discover that when I feel that someone is making assumptions about me and who I am and what I want it makes me feel really angry. Like he or she is telling me who I am and what I want and what I like...as if he or she is some kind of expert on me. I think it qualifies as invalidating and crazy-making! I am laughing now...and I remember when I used to take it so seriously. This is just more evidence of my growth and my learning.

Now I see that it would be in my best interest to go lightly and just float like a beautiful butterfly...just stop in to rest, to explore and then leave if things don't feel right. And my body does truly know what does and doesn't feel right. I guess I just get to practice paying more attention to my body and its wisdom.

Sometimes, someone shows me a mirror of myself and I don't like it. Sometimes, I am showing up for them to learn something. And sometimes, that is just the way it works out in life.

It helps to know what I want, to be really clear about the deepest desires of my heart, to be unafraid to speak my truth and most of all to be very clear in communicating. Which I can now see I was not clear...mostly with my use of language.

And of course, last and most certainly not least, I have learned that I need to ask for not only a conscious man to show up in my life-- but also a man who is conscious with women in general and me in particular. I am going to be more conscious with men myself and learn to better use my words. :)

My feathers got ruffled momentarily. This morning has brought me a huge sense of relief and I have been laughing at the whole thing. So, I know that I have come to some kind of peace with it all.

Mahalo nui loa, Kalani.