I have been into self-improvement, metaphysics, psychology and whatever else resonated with me, all in some kind of attempt to understand me. My life. My stuff. (Isn't it great to know that the only expert on me is me? Just like you are the expert on you!) It has been a journey of self-discovery...and a willingness to constantly learn myself in a new way.
Just as an observation, most of us unconsciously absorb the standards, the ideals, the belief systems and the expectations of our parents or guardians, institutions, organized religion and society at large. This happens to anyone who has been or who is in the process of being both socialized and civilized so that they are fit to play (well) with others. The amazing thing is so much of this stuff is unspoken! And not all of it necessarily applies! (Do we ever stop to question any of these old belief systems? Oh, look! It is only B.S. ;) )
Was my process to understanding this messy? Oh, you bet! I didn't like my childhood experiences and I didn't care for the pain I experienced at revisiting the things that didn't work for me. (People are accountable and responsible for their choices...so, I am not discounting my own experience...I just made a choice to grow because of it. I chose to use it as my stepping stone rather than the stone tied round my neck.) I chose to undertake various forms of therapy, healing, energy work and alternative modalities to get clear. I have read many books~and then turned around to apply what I learned from those things, to the best of my ability, to my day to day life. It has only been by my own willingness to face my issues that I have become more and more happy and more and more alive in my own life.
Issues can move us in the direction to heal. Pain can certainly be a huge motivating factor in healing. People show up--parents, teachers, friends, lovers, store clerks-to help us to learn, to grow, to experience and to heal.
The thing that prompted this post was having someone complain about the stuff in their life. Stuff is okay. Stuff is good. Stuff happens. Feelings just are--what we do with them is another story. Pain happens--to carve out space for joy and light--and suffering is optional. That, too, is a choice.
Healing is a choice...and if I can do it, so can anybody else!
I have always found this information from Stuart Wilde inspirational:
THE REALIZATIONS OF STUART WILDE
From Weight Loss for the Mind
If your personality were programmed to accept contradictions as natural, and if it did not react, you could not experience negative emotion or anguish.
The circumstances of life have no particular quality, either positive or negative. They are neutral. Don’t resist them, even the ones that scare you silly. When faced with adversity, buy the solution—not the emotion.
Teach that to others.
Don’t use emotion as a self-indulgent tool to attract attention or to make yourself and your ideas important. Instead, act powerfully and concisely. Be active. Create energy, give of yourself. Let others need you, rather than needing them and acting to win their approval.
All fear is nothing more than the ego’s expectancy of an upcoming contradiction. Most of it is not real. Dissipate its power by refusing to buy the emotion. Make fear your friend. Talk to it. Accommodate it as a helper and ally, and most of your fear will change or disappear completely.
To pine for an alternative past is a waste of energy. In the pristine world of your infinite spiritual self, there is no sin or negative energy. There is only compassion, learning, and unconditional love and forgiveness. Remind yourself and those around you of this fact. In the light of God, everything is healed and seen to be perfect.
Once you see that most anger is a theatrical routine, you can diminish it to the irrelevance it deserves. All anger comes from loss. All loss is a security issue. All security issues are various manifestations of ego. Understand that and most of your anger becomes unnecessary.
Confusion is a manifestation of an unsettled intellect. The intellect is dominated by the ego. So confusion is mostly the ego’s chatter harassing your life. Train the ego to ask fewer questions, and answer most of the others with, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Frustration stems from the hasty habit of allowing the ego to decide the timing and delivery of its desires. If you blindfold the ego with discipline and never show it the menu of life, it doesn’t bitch about the food—it is thrilled that you are eating to keep alive.
From Weight Loss for the Mind
If your personality were programmed to accept contradictions as natural, and if it did not react, you could not experience negative emotion or anguish.
The circumstances of life have no particular quality, either positive or negative. They are neutral. Don’t resist them, even the ones that scare you silly. When faced with adversity, buy the solution—not the emotion.
Teach that to others.
Don’t use emotion as a self-indulgent tool to attract attention or to make yourself and your ideas important. Instead, act powerfully and concisely. Be active. Create energy, give of yourself. Let others need you, rather than needing them and acting to win their approval.
All fear is nothing more than the ego’s expectancy of an upcoming contradiction. Most of it is not real. Dissipate its power by refusing to buy the emotion. Make fear your friend. Talk to it. Accommodate it as a helper and ally, and most of your fear will change or disappear completely.
To pine for an alternative past is a waste of energy. In the pristine world of your infinite spiritual self, there is no sin or negative energy. There is only compassion, learning, and unconditional love and forgiveness. Remind yourself and those around you of this fact. In the light of God, everything is healed and seen to be perfect.
Once you see that most anger is a theatrical routine, you can diminish it to the irrelevance it deserves. All anger comes from loss. All loss is a security issue. All security issues are various manifestations of ego. Understand that and most of your anger becomes unnecessary.
Confusion is a manifestation of an unsettled intellect. The intellect is dominated by the ego. So confusion is mostly the ego’s chatter harassing your life. Train the ego to ask fewer questions, and answer most of the others with, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Frustration stems from the hasty habit of allowing the ego to decide the timing and delivery of its desires. If you blindfold the ego with discipline and never show it the menu of life, it doesn’t bitch about the food—it is thrilled that you are eating to keep alive.
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