So, what do you do when the Universe sends you a completely unexpected opportunity? Do you say no, because that wasn't part of the plan? - or - Do you shift your focus, and go with it?
I am asking myself what is more important? Living love, loving and being loved in return, or continuing to live my small little life. Don't get me wrong, my life has been unfolding. In fact, I needed a car and my neighbor practically gave me one. And it's in excellent condition. Last weekend, my younger son and I went on an adventure, driving a cat to Oregon. Something for which I was handsomely paid. With a rental car included.
Since I was laid off last June, I have been practicing. I had to put down my own resistance to and fear of life and constantly surrender and trust that I am being held by The Divine. If I stop feeling that way, then I am the one who has disconnected. I had to let the old traumas unwind and leave my nervous system. That took months.
Now I find that in order to both feel good and hear myself and my inner knowing, I must rest. I need plenty of down time. Something our culture takes for granted. You end up more productive when you care for yourself and the needs of body, mind and spirit. In fact, to be a beautiful, radiant woman, you must rest. This is from where that glow originates and there are no substitutes.
So, I feel as though I am beginning to know the answer for myself. Although my ego definitely feels a little squirmy. Too funny.
Be well.
May 29, 2016
May 4, 2016
Letter to the Community
Dear Community,
It didn't start out this way. I actually took the job with a fair bit of trepidation. I didn't feel as though I possess the personality to make cold calls. But money is money and a job is a job. And I had need of both.
So with all that trepidation, I began making calls out to the local community to support Measure E. (Measure E is a local bond measure, raising local funds to benefit the community college to help relieve over-crowding.)
I must say, I have been able to sample the perspectives and mindset of many individuals. It has been eye-opening. Not only that, it has supported me in understanding what it is that I find valuable and how I shut myself off to life because I don't want to deal with unpleasantness. Because cold calling.
I would like to thank all those who have hung up on me; at least you weren't rude. And I would like to thank those who have been rude and unkind. It has allowed me to see your fears and your humanness. It has allowed me to practice NOT taking things personally. To those who have been apathetic...from you, I've learned to question my own choices and behaviors. To the kind hearts, you have been a gift and buoyed up my spirits and gave me hope that some people still care.
So, I've been asking what I will allow and accept in my Queendom. What do I value, truly? And do I live the answer to this question? And the answer to this question has been brewing, that we all contribute to each other. Either directly or indirectly. Whether or not we realize it. I look back at my children's experiences and know that many people contributed to the lives of each of my children. Just as others contributed to my own childhood experiences.
So, while you may believe that I'm calling about Measure E, really I'm calling to find out how conscious you are about how you spend your time and your energy and your money, and how you choose to contribute to your community. I'm calling, as well, to look at my own reflection in the mirror. You've given me much to contemplate.
Thank you so much.
Yours,
Marnie
It didn't start out this way. I actually took the job with a fair bit of trepidation. I didn't feel as though I possess the personality to make cold calls. But money is money and a job is a job. And I had need of both.
So with all that trepidation, I began making calls out to the local community to support Measure E. (Measure E is a local bond measure, raising local funds to benefit the community college to help relieve over-crowding.)
I must say, I have been able to sample the perspectives and mindset of many individuals. It has been eye-opening. Not only that, it has supported me in understanding what it is that I find valuable and how I shut myself off to life because I don't want to deal with unpleasantness. Because cold calling.
I would like to thank all those who have hung up on me; at least you weren't rude. And I would like to thank those who have been rude and unkind. It has allowed me to see your fears and your humanness. It has allowed me to practice NOT taking things personally. To those who have been apathetic...from you, I've learned to question my own choices and behaviors. To the kind hearts, you have been a gift and buoyed up my spirits and gave me hope that some people still care.
So, I've been asking what I will allow and accept in my Queendom. What do I value, truly? And do I live the answer to this question? And the answer to this question has been brewing, that we all contribute to each other. Either directly or indirectly. Whether or not we realize it. I look back at my children's experiences and know that many people contributed to the lives of each of my children. Just as others contributed to my own childhood experiences.
So, while you may believe that I'm calling about Measure E, really I'm calling to find out how conscious you are about how you spend your time and your energy and your money, and how you choose to contribute to your community. I'm calling, as well, to look at my own reflection in the mirror. You've given me much to contemplate.
Thank you so much.
Yours,
Marnie
Apr 26, 2016
Hall of Mirrors
It is interesting when I step back and look at things. I've been simply paying attention to how things are in my life, hoping that I could, in fact, see something that I had been overlooking before...because, of course, I keep looking into the reflection that life offers me and I haven't been willing to meet some aspect of myself there. And I started wanting to know what I was missing.I've felt for a while now that all the ways that my life doesn't "work" for me are ways in which I am still experiencing the illusion of separation. At times, the mirror shows me the violence that I still offer myself. Maybe not the violence of the past, just ways in which I don't honor ALL my feelings -- a true reflection of Self-Love -- or I refuse the reflection of worthiness or divinity that lives within and IS me.I've contemplated this before: I chose to come here, to incarnate, and to have experiences here. I understand now that no matter what choices I made, I still would have been having the same types of experiences to heal whatever I came here to heal and to learn whatever I came here to learn. The externals of the story don't really matter. Instead of my current situation, it could have been a huge health crisis. Or major relationship problems. Or whatever.Really, it is simply the continuing story of coming home to Love.And of healing the illusion of separation. I've been wandering in the illusion of separation, and there are many illusions. Like wandering in a hall of mirrors that only show you untruths.And, in some strange way, it is stopping my disagreement with Source. So, instead of my usual disagreement, I can choose to agree with Source that I am worthy. I can choose to agree with Source that my current situation is to lead me back even deeper into Love, to see that my life experiences and the choices that I have made really are perfect. Each and every time life "happens."Some part of me has wanted to just give up, lately. Just a part or aspect of me. I am willing to let that part go now. That part has felt exhausted...part of the efforting and diffuse energies, chasing what I think I need. I wish I could easily rest in trust and surrender.Thankfully, each inhale is a fresh start.
Jan 16, 2016
Platform 9 3/4 or A Place to Start
Wow, what a week. I have felt such sadness at the loss of first David Bowie, and then Alan Rickman. Two beautiful, creative souls.
Death is inevitable; no one is leaving this life alive. So, it is permission to live and live deeply, fully, radiantly. Do what calls to your heart and makes you sing. Do things that put a smile on your face. Be weird, be silly. It means you are really being yourself. It is a gift you give to those around you, when you show up being you.
It's been 5 years since my gran died. The sadness I feel will always be with me, but I feel this has shaped me into a better, kinder, more compassionate person. After my gran died, I sort of became obsessed with Harry Potter. In my grief, I didn't think too much of it. After I started feeling less sad and overwhelmed, I finally thought to ask what the message was concerning HP. Well! I heard, "Learn to see the magic in everyday life."
I struggled with this; I just didn't understand. I see how bodies are miracles walking around each day. I see Nature and feel Its beauty is a gift. I have a loving family. But the fact of the matter was, things in my life just weren't working. (How did I know? I asked myself if my beliefs were workable, meaning, did I get the end results I desired?) I've had to cultivate emotional focus -- hard to do, for me. I've had to change my happiness set point; the default setting left me feeling really low each day. So what was all this about?
I bought a book, 'On Becoming an Alchemist,' about 6 or 7 years ago. I could seriously never make it past the first chapter. But in August, I picked it up again, thinking to donate it. Lo and Behold! I began to read and noticed the name Harry Potter appeared. Okay, I thought, let's pay attention.
Harry's first challenge on his path to becoming a wizard was finding Platform 9 3/4. In the non-magical world, it does not exist.
So where is it?
To an alchemist, The Between, is a magical place. Platform 9 3/4 represents The Between. Most of us don't think about what lies between us and anything else. But here is the deal; The Between is a sacred container for your own relationship to Life. If your relationship to Life sucks, you are putting your bad attitude and negative beliefs into that sacred container and you are just getting more of the same negativity and 'tude. Who wants that?
We cannot change anyone or anything outside of ourselves, so the place to begin is within us. Look to your own beliefs about the things you don't like and question those beliefs.
To a Spiritual Alchemist, the Philosopher's Stone is your own open and loving, transformed and transforming heart.
Death is inevitable; no one is leaving this life alive. So, it is permission to live and live deeply, fully, radiantly. Do what calls to your heart and makes you sing. Do things that put a smile on your face. Be weird, be silly. It means you are really being yourself. It is a gift you give to those around you, when you show up being you.
It's been 5 years since my gran died. The sadness I feel will always be with me, but I feel this has shaped me into a better, kinder, more compassionate person. After my gran died, I sort of became obsessed with Harry Potter. In my grief, I didn't think too much of it. After I started feeling less sad and overwhelmed, I finally thought to ask what the message was concerning HP. Well! I heard, "Learn to see the magic in everyday life."
I struggled with this; I just didn't understand. I see how bodies are miracles walking around each day. I see Nature and feel Its beauty is a gift. I have a loving family. But the fact of the matter was, things in my life just weren't working. (How did I know? I asked myself if my beliefs were workable, meaning, did I get the end results I desired?) I've had to cultivate emotional focus -- hard to do, for me. I've had to change my happiness set point; the default setting left me feeling really low each day. So what was all this about?
I bought a book, 'On Becoming an Alchemist,' about 6 or 7 years ago. I could seriously never make it past the first chapter. But in August, I picked it up again, thinking to donate it. Lo and Behold! I began to read and noticed the name Harry Potter appeared. Okay, I thought, let's pay attention.
Harry's first challenge on his path to becoming a wizard was finding Platform 9 3/4. In the non-magical world, it does not exist.
So where is it?
To an alchemist, The Between, is a magical place. Platform 9 3/4 represents The Between. Most of us don't think about what lies between us and anything else. But here is the deal; The Between is a sacred container for your own relationship to Life. If your relationship to Life sucks, you are putting your bad attitude and negative beliefs into that sacred container and you are just getting more of the same negativity and 'tude. Who wants that?
We cannot change anyone or anything outside of ourselves, so the place to begin is within us. Look to your own beliefs about the things you don't like and question those beliefs.
To a Spiritual Alchemist, the Philosopher's Stone is your own open and loving, transformed and transforming heart.
Jan 11, 2016
Become The Body of Love
Embodiment is such a weird thing. We get so hung up on random things that don't really matter. We allow past events to control both our present and future lives. When what we really want is to be happy. To feel loved, loving and lovable. To see ourselves as healed and whole.
I've been exploring the notion of self-expression and what that really means to me. I am putting down everything I've thought about it and everything I think I know. What I bump up against, repeatedly, is the concept that I shouldn't. Don't make people feel uncomfortable. Keep things "nice." (Which is Not Real.) Don't rock the boat.
Somehow, self-expression has become about other people. The exact opposite of what it's meant to be.
The truth is, to me, that we are each a fractal of the whole. And each perception is valid. Each has a place. Each has a say. We get to see the ways we are still holding onto pain in our collective consciousness.
So, as the wheel of the year has turned, I let go of all that no longer serves. Of everything that has, up till now, come to fruition. I make room for the new and I plant the seeds for what wants to grow in me and through me in this coming year.
I choose to walk as a vessel of Love. I will let Love live and grow in me and through me and express Itself outwardly. Whatever that looks like.
A new adventure has begun
I've been exploring the notion of self-expression and what that really means to me. I am putting down everything I've thought about it and everything I think I know. What I bump up against, repeatedly, is the concept that I shouldn't. Don't make people feel uncomfortable. Keep things "nice." (Which is Not Real.) Don't rock the boat.
Somehow, self-expression has become about other people. The exact opposite of what it's meant to be.
The truth is, to me, that we are each a fractal of the whole. And each perception is valid. Each has a place. Each has a say. We get to see the ways we are still holding onto pain in our collective consciousness.
So, as the wheel of the year has turned, I let go of all that no longer serves. Of everything that has, up till now, come to fruition. I make room for the new and I plant the seeds for what wants to grow in me and through me in this coming year.
I choose to walk as a vessel of Love. I will let Love live and grow in me and through me and express Itself outwardly. Whatever that looks like.
A new adventure has begun