Come to the edge
Life said.
They said:
We are afraid.
Come to the edge
Life said.
They came.
It pushed them...
And
they
Flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire
1870-1918
Oct 14, 2010
Day 30
Things are moving, even if it's presently slow going.
Today, I took more bags to Goodwill. They must love me. LOL Not much in the way of clothes--a little here, a little there. More books. More cds. More old board games.
I had an old bracelet repaired. I had a favorite shirt altered to fit me now. I made a list of things that still needed to go. I made a list of things I wanted to do.
I have things that need replacing; that will happen eventually. Right now, it is more about staying on top of laundry and the like. How many pairs of underwear does one need, really? I am not sure; I just know I need to do some laundry before I go commando!
My daughter has been shedding. She has been cleaning. She has been painting. This is really something. Painting the wall that she previously decorated with interesting pictures and colors artfully smeared on the wall, with fabric draping the sides like a fall of curtains.
My emotions have balanced out. Thank goodness. I am more and more myself. And happy, even if I am not quite clear about my direction. I do know that I am going to think about concepts for a website. I am going to carve out a new routine to honor myself and my body and my health. I am going to make my life more sacred.
I am going to shift my interactions with others...and if I in anyway feel bad about myself, the convo is over. And if all of their conversations with me are negative, then I just won't have them in my life. This is a new place. I feel so over the negativity. I am choosing to life my life a certain way...and it really is making me happy!
I really get the whole 'fuck off' thing. If someone really cares, why, Why, WHY would they tear you down??? All because they think you are doing a rotten job of living your life and you don't know what the fuck you are doing. (Or something like that. ) According to them. Uh, excuse me? Whose life is this anyway?
I am sitting back, laughing. Life is pretty funny, when all is said and done. I am pretty fucking funny, too. Checking how things are unfolding. Holding space for grace and ease. Shedding limitations.
Everything is possible.
Werd, y'all!
Today, I took more bags to Goodwill. They must love me. LOL Not much in the way of clothes--a little here, a little there. More books. More cds. More old board games.
I had an old bracelet repaired. I had a favorite shirt altered to fit me now. I made a list of things that still needed to go. I made a list of things I wanted to do.
I have things that need replacing; that will happen eventually. Right now, it is more about staying on top of laundry and the like. How many pairs of underwear does one need, really? I am not sure; I just know I need to do some laundry before I go commando!
My daughter has been shedding. She has been cleaning. She has been painting. This is really something. Painting the wall that she previously decorated with interesting pictures and colors artfully smeared on the wall, with fabric draping the sides like a fall of curtains.
My emotions have balanced out. Thank goodness. I am more and more myself. And happy, even if I am not quite clear about my direction. I do know that I am going to think about concepts for a website. I am going to carve out a new routine to honor myself and my body and my health. I am going to make my life more sacred.
I am going to shift my interactions with others...and if I in anyway feel bad about myself, the convo is over. And if all of their conversations with me are negative, then I just won't have them in my life. This is a new place. I feel so over the negativity. I am choosing to life my life a certain way...and it really is making me happy!
I really get the whole 'fuck off' thing. If someone really cares, why, Why, WHY would they tear you down??? All because they think you are doing a rotten job of living your life and you don't know what the fuck you are doing. (Or something like that. ) According to them. Uh, excuse me? Whose life is this anyway?
I am sitting back, laughing. Life is pretty funny, when all is said and done. I am pretty fucking funny, too. Checking how things are unfolding. Holding space for grace and ease. Shedding limitations.
Everything is possible.
Werd, y'all!
Oct 13, 2010
What Day Is It Anyway?
Oh my Goddess!
So, everything has been stirred up! Everything.
Am I happy in my job? Not exactly...do I want to stay? NO. Too fucking much drama. What's next? Don't know yet. Yet being the operative word.
Am I happy in my life right now? Yes and no. Last week seemed to be the 'Beat Marnie Up Week.' I realized several things:
I allow people to give me unsolicited advice. What happened to simply sharing and then being asked if I want feedback?
I allow the unsolicited advice and then I feel bad about myself. What the fuck for??
I have been very happy (in some ways) being single; I have truly enjoyed developing my relationship with myself. That has rocked my world in numerous, delightful ways.
I believe that creating my life can be really easy. I get to put down the struggle.
I want to "fix" things. There is NOTHING to fix. It's all good. :)
Sometimes, moms don't always see their creations as beautiful...I am choosing to see beauty in my life. It is my creation, after all. :)
I am free!
Good things come when the space is open. Including my creativity!!
I went to a women's playshop on Saturday. My monthly tantra gig! I set my intention to shed anything that was hanging me up. What came up during an opening meditation was personal freedom. After 2 rounds of breath work, I truly set myself free (with help and support). I saw the oldest, stuckest energies move! I was supported by 4 very powerful women to do this. I felt a huge connection with them. Giving myself permission gave them permission as well. The release was sweet and healing laughter followed.
Today, I still feel that open and empty space inside. I completely grasp the concept now that I hold that space open or I fill it with too many thoughts--mental 'stuff.' Being conscious with my thoughts and the prompts that my body gives me is how I choose to roll from now on!
I am planning to start my own website. I know it is time to take my work out in a bigger way. My wisdom is enough. My talents and abilities are enough. I am enough...and more than enough. It really is okay not to know everything. That doesn't lessen the value of what I do have to offer to others. It has taken me a while to come to this. I am going to trust myself and listen to the call.
Bliss In!
Marnie
So, everything has been stirred up! Everything.
Am I happy in my job? Not exactly...do I want to stay? NO. Too fucking much drama. What's next? Don't know yet. Yet being the operative word.
Am I happy in my life right now? Yes and no. Last week seemed to be the 'Beat Marnie Up Week.' I realized several things:
I allow people to give me unsolicited advice. What happened to simply sharing and then being asked if I want feedback?
I allow the unsolicited advice and then I feel bad about myself. What the fuck for??
I have been very happy (in some ways) being single; I have truly enjoyed developing my relationship with myself. That has rocked my world in numerous, delightful ways.
I believe that creating my life can be really easy. I get to put down the struggle.
I want to "fix" things. There is NOTHING to fix. It's all good. :)
Sometimes, moms don't always see their creations as beautiful...I am choosing to see beauty in my life. It is my creation, after all. :)
I am free!
Good things come when the space is open. Including my creativity!!
I went to a women's playshop on Saturday. My monthly tantra gig! I set my intention to shed anything that was hanging me up. What came up during an opening meditation was personal freedom. After 2 rounds of breath work, I truly set myself free (with help and support). I saw the oldest, stuckest energies move! I was supported by 4 very powerful women to do this. I felt a huge connection with them. Giving myself permission gave them permission as well. The release was sweet and healing laughter followed.
Today, I still feel that open and empty space inside. I completely grasp the concept now that I hold that space open or I fill it with too many thoughts--mental 'stuff.' Being conscious with my thoughts and the prompts that my body gives me is how I choose to roll from now on!
I am planning to start my own website. I know it is time to take my work out in a bigger way. My wisdom is enough. My talents and abilities are enough. I am enough...and more than enough. It really is okay not to know everything. That doesn't lessen the value of what I do have to offer to others. It has taken me a while to come to this. I am going to trust myself and listen to the call.
Bliss In!
Marnie