So Far...

I have shed:

rocks
books
clothes
books
videos/dvds
cookbooks
papers
(add old boardgames to this list! they are leaving!!!)

This is wonderful in its own way. I appreciate the space that is opening up.

It's very interesting...the new things that have already started coming in to my life and this new space. I am not sure how it's all gonna unfold and truth to tell, I actually feel pretty excited. Partially because I know that I am creating my life and I get to watch the seeds I planted in the last couple of years come to fruition and also because I don't know what the final picture is really going to look like. I have been letting go of non-physical things on this shed and that is actually starting to show in my internal landscape too. (Uh, do I think I have a book problem?? Quite likely. (= ] )

I know that I have carried a lot of perceptions from the past and loads of learned emotional responses to external situations. The funny thing is I have never really thought about what that did to me and my own growth and personal development. Doh! Yeah, light bulb! No wonder I am in this interesting (and not bad) place of figuring out who I Am and what I want. I never really had the opportunity to create a relationship with myself during my childhood years. I didn't develop a lot of self-knowledge or self-awareness and so I have spent the last few years doing this intensely. And really, feeling horribly, bitchily selfish for taking the time I needed to figure this shit out!

Since I have been developing this relationship with myself, I can let it be okay to want what I want and to let those true, pure desires shape my life and my external self-expression. I get it now, the desire to change my external appearance as I have been evolving. And the emerging me really doesn't give a fuck what other people think.

And it is amazing to me to see how my consciousness is connecting to the things I buy, to the things that I eat, to the clothes that I wear, the habits that I keep. It is all energy and it is all connected. And the excesses! And the waste! Oh my! This is good stuff...keep it coming!

I mean, life is not all neat and tidy. It is gritty and messy. There are tears. The are moments of pain. And all of it is part of life. It is totally up to me to decide to prolong my painful moments or to just let go!

I choose simple. :)

This weekend the assignment is clothes/shoes. I am going to try on everything I own and anything that does not reflect the true me (whether it is not comfortable, or the color is wrong, or it doesn't fit...) is leaving! And I am going to cart off loads of things to the local library for donation and/or Goodwill.

Yay, me!

Day 9

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

- Aristotle

Day 8

William Morris once said, "have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

Day 7

Wow! What a weekend...resistance over cleaning out the fridge. (Why?) Although it is done now.

I let go of a stack of books...some old, Old, OLD videos...cleared out a lot of paper trash. (The odds and ends of paperwork that I have saved!)

Let go of mineral makeup eyeshadows and blush. All virtually brand new. My daughter wanted them, so power to her. I, on the other hand, am low maintenance.

I let go of a shopping bag full of clothes. And rather than get rid of a necklace that I liked but just wasn't quite right, I gave it a makeover and love it!

Oh, and bunches of rocks! Mostly the tumbled variety. The larger, raw rocks are going to go back outside. :)

On the emotional front, it was the 15th anniversary of leaving an abusive relationship. I was still feeling somewhat angry and resentful--if he hadn't behaved like an ass, then I wouldn't have had to leave.

And then I wouldn't be the me I am today. Hhmmm.

I have been holding tight to things that I really want. I have been holding tight to things that I don't really want...but didn't recognize it at first. I am peeling my fingers back, loosening my grip and easing myself into letting go.

I can tell, this is going to be some kinda Shed. *Sigh*